-Yolanda is here -I saw her -You want me to go? I’ll go, I don’t mind -It’s the same for me! – Great, I’ll stay -Anna, I don’t know how much longer our relationship can continue – Why, my boy? -Because this afternoon I caught Anna hugging John here on this sofa! -Yes, I ‘ve heard, but that’s not a reason to stress and harm yourself -But, I’m not stressed – That’s good – I am out of control, ms Yolanda! I am breaking up! – Come on, sweetheart people don’t break up at a flea’s jump – It wasn’t the jump of the flea it was John’s – Peter, don’t be vulgar! – I am vulgar for saying it and not those who did it? – They did it? -No, but they had every intention! Similarly, I’ve every good intention to rob a bank but unless I commit it they cannot book me like Lee Murray -The sin is not in the act, is in the mind – Meaning, you accuse me of being a thieve? -First off, I don’t accuse you I accuse Anna! -For being a thieve? -Mom! -What!?! He, now, accuses us by family Calling us thieves, adulteresses -But I am not just saying it It happened! -Was adultery fulfilled? -Anna speak now, was it fulfilled? – It that sense, it wasn’t fulfilled It wasn’t completed, physically – There, you admit it by yourself – It was completed, mentally! What matters is the physical part The mental part has no gravity If there is a stud, who craves me mentally and acts like an ox doing nothing to conquer me, then I don’t give a crap for the stud! Indeed, but in this instance, the stud wasn’t the only one wanting if someone can call John a stud, but also this lady was into it – Bitch, you wanted? – Peter, why you torment me, why? I told you so many times; I was forced -There you have it; he raped her! -I didn’t say this, mom I was forced emotionally Due to the terrorist bomb and all the commotion – Ok, today was the bomb The other time, when I caught you, at your house, was there a bomb? -There was commotion -Peter, why don’t you understand that I was forced? -Today you were forced – The other day, were you forced again? -She is easily forced – Peter, he is my husband I mean, he was Understand that, it’s natural at some point, to succumb Put yourself in my place -Yes, but try to be in my place, too -No, you be in my place -No, you be in my place! Are you going to keep changing places, now? Guys! Try to see the situation, calmly Peter, with the ex-husband it doesn’t count Because an ex has certain vested rights -I beg your pardon, what kind of rights? -When you become an ex, you’ll understand -But I am an ex You declare this to convince me or you shout it to convince yourself? -Both -Listen to me, Peter, right now in your soul there is a struggle because in your heart two Peters co-exist Peter – And the wolf! – And the other Peter The egoist and Peter in love Be cautious, which of the two, you’ll help to win -No, Anna I can’t anymore act civilised I want to go in there and smash his face, like a normal human being -People don’t do that; animals do it! -Humans are also mammals, where civilisation has suppressed their primal instincts Still, there comes a moment, where primal instincts rebel! Peter, please cool down – I won’t because I may seem from the outside like halva, but from the inside, I am full of primal instincts – Cool down, boy -I am not cooling anything! Because this time, the animal is awake – As you see me now, I am ready – To moan? – No – To bleat? – Neither! I am ready to commit murder I feel the urge to go in there, to take out the pocket knife – What pocket knife? – Manner of speaking and say “You messed with my chick, bro I will gut your intestines to hold – You go, guttersnipe – I beg you, don’t patronise me ms Yolanda The only thing that would satisfy me right now is, to skin him alive – And pass him in a stick -What can I do, Shasha, I need a pair of glasses immediately -First thing in the morning, I will run at my optician! – Pleased to meet you! Tomorrow I can run too Tonight is the matter! – Wait! I just remembered Somewhere I must have the glasses of my ex-father-in-law – What he had, nearsightedness? – No Glaucoma and a lazy eye – Nevertheless, when you have lemons -Still, I am not certain Maybe he wore them when we buried him -Don’t tell me that – I try to picture the day of the funeral – I, for one, wore a Polatof b/w dress with a patent leather belt – Listen, Shasha, search the whole house I am sending you Aspasia to give them to her -Aspasia?!? -She is on board, don’t worry, I bribed her full time -I am hanging up to start searching -What can I say? Do everything you can At the outmost do an exhumation! Stop it already! Coming and going, again and again
I got nauseated – Look in the magazine, what programs play now? -What’s the day? -Thursday An old movie is on! -Yes, but look which one it is! -What is the matter, whichever it is, we have seen it already – Is it that much trouble, to look? – No, the smallest trouble – Where were you? – I rushed to the supermarket – So -What is on? -Thursday it’s 21:40 -I can’t find Thursday; it’s not like -I am waiting -Yes, I am waiting too – Wear, blessed be, your glasses to see clearly – Whose glasses are those? – Yours – Mine? These glasses? -Jesus and mother Mary, I got blinded the poor woman – Aren’t those the glasses of Christina? – I can’t take an oath – You can’t take an oath ?!? -Why are you asking Aspasia? Don’t I know my glasses, which, by the way, I have them on the rear table -Aspasia, fetch them for me, please -Yes, immediately! -Here you are -God bless you, my Aspasia! Praise the lord, I saw light! -Can you see with those glasses? -Crystal clear! -Why are you laughing? -With Oliver Hardy Big laughs! -It is Stan Laurel! -I can see it; I am not blind Oliver Hardy will show up afterwards! -Do those glasses belong to Christina? – Now that I look them closely – Yes they are – Does this frame sit well on her face? -But of course On an oval face, this design fits very well how can you claim otherwise? -Why, aren’t they a good fit? -You are a doll, a doll!!! -You look like a pervert peeper! -That’s enough! I won’t tolerate it Enough with the insults, this is the end Aspasia, my girl, don’t place the lamps in random places people are walking some damage the wine glasses now you my Titika I am going now, I have some I know, how truthful you are but a lover is not like a sweet preserve Please, mom stop this discussion – Come now, silly girl, talk to me freely I am also a woman, and I can understand Haven’t you ever coveted someone? You meet so many handsome men -Mom, who do you think I am? You insult me, with your words – Look, sweetheart don’t play it so plainly Add some indignation Pay attention Mom, who do you think I am? You insult me, with your words – Understand? Show that you are out of control – Now I see! -Let’s rehearse it for a bit, prior recording Volume! Passion! and indignation -Mom, who do you think I am? You insult me, with your words! -More -Mom, who do you think I am? You insult me, with your words – No, my child! you scream it – Add passion and dramatism Like the acting on the “Young and the Restless”? – Now I see -Mom, who do you think I am? You insult me, with your words -Drop it, fuck this style! Say it, as natural as it comes to you! -I won’t allow you, not even to think something like this for me Me, who I adore John with such altruism -Here, where you refer to John, break your voice with compassion Pay attention, “Me, who I ADORE John, with such an altruism – Wonderfully played, ms Yolanda! I don’t know, if I can act so dramatically
– Think something bad, to get in the mood -Bad, like an earthquake? -No, think, something more personal Think of your deceased – I don’t have any My people are alive – Imagine, that they are dead – I cannot, it’s bad luck – Fine, then think something else Think that you’ve gained another 22 pounds Think that, you just broke up with your boyfriend -The one with the boyfriend seems sadder – Ok then, think that he abandoned you That he is, with someone else -And how this someone looks like? -She is tall, blond, Swedish He has abandoned you He is partying with the other one, Brigitte, that is her name, the Swedish one, Brigitte You are like “a reed on a field” and he is having a good time with her – That fucking faggot! -Well done, wonderfully, you got the feeling So, hold onto it Are you ready? To go on with the recording? -Yes -I am pressing the button -I don’t allow you, not even to think something like this for me Me, who I adore John with such an altruism “Me, who I comfortably bore all of his cheatings -Listen, Shasha, I broke up! With Antones bitch, who else? Clint Eastwood? Yes, come over tomorrow morning at the office, Bye now -Tell me how it happened -I couldn’t bear it anymore I could hear inside me two voices! – My God, this has been sung by Angela (Greek singer) “2 voices shout at me; two voices turn me mad, to leave, to go where, to stay, to do what? -That was the exact feeling -The blessed woman has sung everything, everything! -So, I made the big decision -Now tell me, I can imagine when you told him, he started shouting -No -Did he start crying? -Neither -Did he start swearing and threatening? Tell me, babe, did he hurt you? -Hurt me, why? -Say no more, I got it he threw you on the bed and I know, I know -Nonsense, you know! He did nothing of such things he opened the door and left -Just like that? -Like the hunted, I couldn’t finish, not even my phrase -And what did you do? – I waited for a little there, and then went back home, a total wreck -Please, tell me, did you cried after this? -Cried? I whipped! But in secret, so the rest wouldn’t notice me -And after that? -Then I shut down at the kitchen, reminiscing the old, good days -And after that? -Then, I got hungry and I ate some Chinese long beans – Hell, no Chistina, no! -What? -That is not the way of the divorcee – How should I now, bitch, I’ve never broken up before – You break up in the afternoon and eat Chinese long beans in the evening – What to do, I was starving Had just one coffee since morning -No, my love, no! -Listen to me, who I have experience in breaking up You must burst, to let the sorrow go from within – I will, but shall I do it on an empty stomach? You have to show that you are suffering What I am supposed to do, start screaming “my man is gone”? – Divorcees at night, wear their best dress And where are they going? Nowhere! They sit in their living room drink, smoke, listen to sob love songs and whip -They whip, Really…? By definition! Shasha, I doubt I am able for such things Hear me out, I know from experience You have to burst out, trust me Put yourself in a mood You think? Even if this what’s wrong, Shasha, what can we do? Can we change it? – Why not? Everything can change as long as we put the right ingredients Shasha, I don’t follow Try to simplify it, for me -You are stupid-headed, God bless you Listen, then You’ll call Christina, as soon as now, and you will tell her Rendevouz tonight, at my house If she tells you “no”, which she will ok, we all know her, you’ll tell her, that it’s an emergency about a very serious matter! When you go home, start setting up the table Now you’ll ask me “where to find a table?” I don’t know, Antones, borrow one You will order food no need to run to the toilet in the middle of the night, but you will tell her that you made it yourself Then you’ll light the candles, but be cautious not to burn yourself You burned yourself! Now put some lemon on it That’s the way Not there! In the bag Yes, yes, well done! And now, we dim the lights! It’s not a blackout, Antones we’re aiming for a romantic vibe Well done, good kid And now, music We are running, running, running Truth be told with folk music I don’t think she’ll go crazy Change it! CHANGE IT!!! I said,change it! Yes, yes There, there Nice She’s here! We don’t get stressed and even if we do, we are not showing We take a breath, we make our hair, we take pose,
yes, and now we are heading to open the door Calmly We open Now she is acting lady-like Don’t sweat it, you are staring at her she does the same; you are not speaking Not speaking, sets up the mood You start talking first -Christina -Why you dragged me over here in the middle of the night, God damn you? Why are not brought down we keep going, speaking sweetly -Christina -Speak bitch, what do you want? -YOU! -I am sorry I will not! -Stop crying! -I love you! -Stop it, I say! -Stay and eat dinner together -Just for half an hour Here, little Antones, you made the first step Did you order delivery? -No -I cooked for you -It’s a beard, but she’ll swallow it Pause, pause, pause Bitch, open your mouth – You turned out to be very crafty in the kitchen – I am good in other rooms of the house I have said it a million times, and always works! Oh, you don’t you have any shame? Punk! I told you, didn’t I? From here then, you get closer closer What a killjoy! Closer, bitch more…More! MORE! There Action! -Christina – Please, don’t -You don’t want me anymore? -It’s not like that, but -She wants you, keep going! Christina, let’s get out of here – And go where? Let’s go to other places more sensual – Are we bringing along the Netflix account and the TV? What can we say; my friend is a humorist -Christina – Antones Maybe this is not right? Kiss Yes, well done – It is right! Bravo, Shasha, Bravo! That is it! Allow me to kiss you – Please spare me from overwhelmings -There is a way, to get her out of the picture -What do you mean “to get her out of the picture”? -Nothing – I warn you, poor thing, not to meddle with this! Me, meddling ?! What are you talking about? Like you don’t know me -Well farewell and get better soon -Godspeed, my girl and all my best to you -Bye -Take care -Enter -Hello -Hello Is this room 307? -Yes. Who are you looking for? -You! -Do we know each other? -We will get acquainted now Both good and bad side -Excuse me? -Truth be told, I was expecting you, younger and more attractive -I don’t understand you -I am, his mother-in-law -What are you? -His mother-in-law -Whose mother-in-law? -Try and guess? -Help me a little? -John’s – John Bitzinis’ mother-in-law?! Please enter, help yourself down How is John? -John Bitzinis? I have no clue -Long-time since you saw him last? -No, I have never seen him Have you never seen your son-in-law? -John Bitzinis, is not my son-in-law But how can you be his mother-in-law while he is not your son-in-law? -I am not his mother-in-law -But you just said that you are John’s mother-in-law? -John’s yes, but not John Bitzinis’ – Now I see – I just realised who you are! -Finally -You are John Tsiromeletis’ mother-in-law -No, I am neither John’s Tsiromeletis nor John’s Travolta nor J.F.K.’s mother-in-law -But I know no other John -You don’t? -No -Listen, my young-lady “Young lady” is a manner of speaking I am your lover’s mother-in-law -Who? -The mother-in-law of your lover -What are the things you say, mam? -It’s no use hiding it I know everything Have you no shame you, a full-grown woman, to sneak between a married couple? Which married couple, mam? Yes, play the fool like you don’t remember that day at Sounion? Which Sounion? The one with the columns? -That one since ancient times, that is the Sounion -And…? -Don’t you know what happened at Sunio? -Some battle? Certainly not the naval battle of Salamina happened there! -That happened in Salamina -Are you making fun of me? -You are the one kidding me and in a bad way too -Anyway, not need to get agitated We have to approach it, calmly -Name your price, for not seeing him again -I beg your pardon? -How much, for never seeing him again? -To never see, who, again? -Hear me and make up your mind my poor girl whatever happened, it happened but let’s leave this “thing” here -But what “thing”? -Don’t act like a fool, we have an understanding with each other, ok? If you like hearing it, it’s natural what happened with you two He is a handsome man you have your skills too, I can’t see them, but you must have something and this slip-up occurred But you go as far as here I beg you a mother exorcises you, Don’t ruin my daughter’s home -I can’t understand you, mam!
-Bitch stop acting, like a snot-virgin, “you don’t understand, and you don’t understand” admit at last you irritate me You have done it with him What are you talking about, mam? You insult me! -She is insulted, on top of everything! Bitch, stop acting the sensitive one When you “do” it, you don’t have sensitivities -What are you talking, mam? Out! Get out of my room Matina, what is all this fuss? What happened? Who is the lady? Spiros, throw her out, she is a lunatic! -Who are you, mam? What do you want? – Who are you? -Me? I am this mam’s husband – You are married as well I am ashamed for your behalf -Spiros, darling, sent her away, she is a crazy person -Crazy, me? Be careful, you don’t want me to start talking And say what? -Let it go, Mr Don’t search for answers because you will be surprised more than anyone -What is there, to say? Are you threatening me? -Don’t chafe me, weasel! – “Weasel”! My wife? – To avoid saying anything worse -I forbid you -Bitch! Go to hell, that you fordid me, on top of everything -Spiros call the nurses to throw her out The woman is a basket case, can’t you see it? – Go to hell, calling me a basket case Trying to turn the tables -But mam, why are you speaking like this? Please explain what my wife did to you? This lady took my son-in-law a lover -Don’t listen to her, Spiros, she makes it out from her head -Right, “from my head” -Be quiet, Matina What are you saying, mam? I am sorry, but your wife keeps a lover -A lover…Matina -Why don’t you ask her, where did she hurt herself? -She fell from the ladder -Is this how people call it now? “Ladder”? This lady had a car accident with her lover – Spiros, she is a whacko Were you there when she fell? No, I was out, but her cousin was there and brought her to the hospital Mr Spiros, that cousin, covered for her she told you lies – Oh my God, I can’t believe what I am hearing! She was at the car with my son-in-law and they got into an accident Matina what is this all about? do you have a lover? Spiros, have you flipped too? Do you believe this nutjob and not me? Matina, tell me the truth! I am telling you the truth I have done nothing Were you supposed to admit it? Mr Spiros, your wife has my son-in-law a lover At last, who is your son-in-law? Who says the news at 20:30 every evening? Jennings…Unfaithful woman, you are in cahoots with Jennings? – Bitch, no ! -Then who? With Kyra Phillips? -There are other channels, besides CNN The lady preferred John Sotiropoulos Are you for real, now? Matina, you betrayed me – Are you insane, Spiros? -My Christ, what am I hearing? My wife cheats on me -Mr Spiro, don’t overreact You are not the first nor the last I will kill you, you dishonest woman I will break your other hand, too Please don’t; I am innocent! -You ashamed me, you vulgar woman -Spiros, what are you doing? -I will throw you from the window Mmmmmm Infantry soldier, Kaloudis Antones Tell me, Kaloudis, my boy did you have today’s morning beverage? -Yes, sir -And what else? -Bread, butter that’s all At your home, Did you use to have breakfast? Yes, sir Which was better, the one at home or at the military? – I don’t know what to say? -Maybe you would like something extra like a croissant, some corn flakes? – There is an option? -You runt! Deadbeat! You want a croissant, bloody newbie Go out and re-enter properly! Mmmm Infantry Soldier, Kaloudis Antones This time, I heard something Why are you laughing? -I am not laughing -If you are giddy, you should know that our country doesn’t need giddies – Yes, sir -Yes, sir, what? -Yes, sir captain -Kaloudis, where are you from? -From Mesolongi, sir captain -These are the kind of men that Mesolongi produce? -No, it produces some better -Are you compatriot of Charilaos Trikoupi? -Yes, sir – Is it possible that you are a “sissy”? – No, sir captain – Are you sure? -Yes, sir captain – Because the country doesn’t need any “sissies.” -Yes, sir -Yes, sir, what? -Yes, sir captain -Fulofshit -Fulofshit – At your orders – Where did we find this thing? – They send it to us, sir captain – Fine, go now Get out now Listen to me, Kaloudis If you want, the two of us, to get along
you will be the epitome of a soldier Otherwise you will spit the milk you breastfed Did I make my self clear? -Yes, sir -Yes, sir, what? -Yes, sir captain -Go now -Yes, sir Sir captain -Bring it here -I can’t; it isn’t opening -Give it to me… Useless -I can’t; my whole body shivers -Come on -Easy, wait -Take – Come on -What news? Good ones? -What? Bad ones? -Can’t make out, listen -Hello, my love what’s up? Everything good? Over here , everything goes to shit – What a romantic guy Food is shit And with an advanced vocabulary Day by day, they feed us Godzilla (deep freeze meat dated from the 2nd World War) What are they feeding them? Godzilla Maybe they serve Chinese cuisine Anyway, the guys here are “glass” -What are the guys? Glass Keep going; maybe we can make the meaning out of context I have met a Dakota (long-time in the army/ lazy soldier) Very nice guy -What has he met? – Dakota – Dakota? -This is what he writes -Bitch, he probably hangs out with a queer Today that I am writing to you, it is Thursday, and we have a Night -What do they have? – A night -… Nurse? – Don’t know During the night we live funny situations and the time goes by tzetze (blissfully) -How do they pass it? Tzetze – Raunchy dude, his mind is always there This Sunday we have our first visitation and I hope you’ll come I kiss you sweetly Antones At least he did, an amazing curtain drop -That was all -Keep them letters coming, please -Now, what did you make out is he having a good or bad time? -What can I say?!? It’s not like the letter was in Greek – A huge door, I see You will pass it or not Here it is your promotion Sooner or later it is coming and probably this is it which will pass the door It’s a huge star, how can you not see it! -Where? I don’t see it Well, there it is! It pokes an eye out Excuse me, mr. whats-your-name For your information, now that, ms Vardatsikou will come – Yes I am listening – I, of course, as I told you before I am named Loukia Papadima Boukoubala, but from time to time they call me, also, Christina Markatou – Without any reason? -It strikes me odd, likewise, but – Enter -Ms Vardatsikou arrived – Aspasia came – Show her in -Now everything will clear out – Enter – Good morning -Good morning, sit down – My Aspasia – My little Aspasia It’s the first time to be so glad seeing you – Tell me, are you ms Aspasia Vardatsikou? – Indeed, daughter of John and Charekleia – We are sorry to bother you this time of the day, but we wanted to certify that you know these ladies – Do you understand, my Aspasia, it is something entirely typical – Typical but essential – Indeed, you will say where we live, what’s our names -Only, leave out our ages I am sorry, but I don’t know these ladies – What?!? – She is kidding – She is such a humorist She is one of those who makes pranks and funny tricks, all the time My Aspasia, this is the army no jokes will be tolerated Please leave the lady in peace Tell me are you sure, you don’t know these ladies? Yes, I am absolutely certain My Aspasia, have mercy on us The lady over here, reminds me of someone It’s me, my Aspasia, your little Christina, I knew once a ms Christina, a widow from Beverly Hills It’s me; there is no other with these characteristics Yes, but she was a lady she would never wonder, on Christmas Eve at military camps, searching for even I don’t know what? Monster She is avenging me Are you unfamiliar with the other lady too? The other lady rings no bells, at all -Doesn’t ring you any bells?!? -If I grab you, bitch, by the hair -Help, help Shasha, my love, I beg of you What do you think this is, a beauty salon? When you were pleading me, to hook you up with a man
did you recognise me then? -But, miss, please -Help, help -Bitch, when you were asking me to explain how the “chair stance” position, then you knew Shasha, you knew Shasha, didn’t you? -At last, mister I can’t bare this slander Everyone sit down Sit down! Sit over there I said sit down; it’s an order Sit down Miss Vardatsikou are you absolutely certain that you don’t know these ladies? – I am definite and I wonder how they found my telephone number to bother me Well then; we apologise and you are free to go -Alas, for this country, I’ll do anything – That honours you – My grandfather was adjutant of the king! It was night when the majesty woke him up “Save the country from peril” and my grandfather run -Now, can I say something heavy regarding your grandfather? -What?!? -Shouldn’t I say something heavy on your grandfather?! -God speed! -Bye! – Bitch, we are getting out at some point We will Wait and see what happens to you, then! Once again, goodbye to you all!! -Mama, welcome back -Good morning and a merry Christmas -Merry Christmas and many wishes for your name day You remembered that you have a home? Thank you, and I wish you the same Aspasia, mama came Happy name day, my Christina, live long -Thank you Come closer to kiss you -No, it’s better from far away -No, it doesn’t count from afar -But I am coming down with something, I will get you infected -No worries, you are worth it -Save me -Save me -I wished her! -Really, have Anna spoke for my standing? -Yes more or less -And what she said? Is she excited with me? – Of course, she puts the flag out! -We glued very well; we became very attached -Like a fly on the shit pile – Ms Yolanda, the way you say things -The same way I see it -No, yes we have clicked very well with Anna Because I know how to take care, the woman I have next to me -This is, that obvious – I have, Anna, like a princess Even if she is from second-hand -I beg your pardon? -I mean, that she is a divorcee -So, you are doing us a favour, on top of everything – Agreed with everything, but who is the guy with Yolanda? -A plumber, named Spiros, and he is a wanna-be-actor -And we paid him something, to come over here and act as Anna’s fling at Yolanda -But this is fraud! -But we didn’t do it because it was honest -Anyway, it is wrong, what you did to Anna -And Anna was right? How she sizzled both us, and at the end, she left us for that fool -But what Anna did, wasn’t illegal, while what you are doing, is illegal -Love doesn’t answer to laws, understood Valentine? -And if a prosecutor books us for forgery, what shall we do? Is love extenuating reason? -He will not catch us, because no one will learn the truth, since noone will talk -Us five, we’ll have a secret, that will take it to our graves Understood Valentine? -Yes, sir -And we’ll take an oath on this, -Like the “Society of Friends” -Well now, do you swear that you will say nothing to anyone -I swear -I swear too -What about you Valentine? -Valentine! -I swear -As I said, ms Yolanda, I was put through a lot of in my life -Indeed, you seem worn out -Yes, I ‘ve been worn out by women Because, if I may, ms Yolanda, you women are big sleazeballs – Thanks – Don’t take it personally -No, relax, I don’t -I have made 2 marriages, mam, and 5 children -May they prosper – Thanks -I have, an illegitimate child too, in Sweden – It keeps getting better and better -But I feel bitter -From the illegitimate child? -No, from women because they always kick me out -I don’t know why, but they kicked me out -Just guessing, but I think I know why -How do you know it? -I make it out from context -But who bothers, ms Yolanda? -Now, I have found Anna -Indeed, you’ve grabbed the priest by the beard -Of course, it’s not easy to find girls like that? – That is certain, it’s not easy -And the reason, Yolanda, is that your daughter is peepable -What is she?!? Peepable -Beautiful, I mean, Yolanda! – I see -Blessed be your hands -I didn’t make her with my hands per se, but anyways – I hope, you ‘re not offended, for speaking in singular tense? – Are you kidding? of course not! -Formalities and bullshit between us -Don’t even mention it, bro! -I like you, Yolanda I like you because you are straight as an arrow, like your daughter
-Yes, it runs in our family -And it’s not only this There are other virtues too -What kind of virtues? – Speaking for the mug Your daughter got from you, the sweetness -Merci – I believe this Now that I take a better look I get it – Get what? – Why it’s difficult for men, to resist you -Pardon me? -Pardon, what? -I am saying even for dried meat you count well as a woman -Mind your manners! Calling me dried meat -Hold your horses, we did you a compliment in need to praise something nice -Ok, you praised it Wrap it up -Yolanda, why does the smallest thing ignites you? -It bothers you to be admired? -I beg of you, Costas you are saying wierd staff -I am speaking the truth – If a woman attracts me, then its set -I don’t understand what you are saying -What’s not to understand -If you fancy a hookup, the two of us, some night I am in -The two of us, to do what? -Whatever you like, to go wherever you fancy -Do you want to go to Bouzoukia to bring the house down? To make the place open-air -I would suggest to leave it with the roof on, as it is We don’t want to make singers catch a cold -Fine, you fancy V.I.P clubs? Studio 54 where Trump hangs out? -No,thank you – Now I get it, you have a different style You’re more of a piano bar girl Ok, I know one of those, very discreet and with class Velvety chairs, candles on tables, and some dude fiddling the piano -He does what? -Playing -Romantic, right? -To the point of disgust – The right place for two people with fine taste to come closer -You mean, us two -Bravo You got the feeling -You are feeling it too, and if you don’t quit it I will cut your hand from the elbow -Keep resisting; you turn me on – Doing you what? -You turn me on -Go to hell, pig! -Calling me that I “Turn you on”! Get the hell out of here and never see your face again Satyr -I can’t take it anymore My nerves are broken -You mean, with Aspasia? -Yes, who else? She is coming and going all day cursing this unknown woman who took Antones from her I can’t wait for her to leave for the monastery to lock-up, to have some peacetime -Tell me, are you sure that she’ll stay at the monastery? – She’ll go for a trial period, and if she endures, she’ll stay -You mean if they’ll endure her! -I am living a thriller, girlfriend -Don’t know what to say anymore, this Antones, was fatal for this house – One, she got married in a blink of an eye the other, locked up in a monastery -The third, the best of all, he’ll lock her in the loony bin -Why? -Because despite this whole commotion, Antones is searching for an apartment to live together -Be quite, she is coming down -Good afternoon -Welcome, Aspasia -I beg you, don’t – I forgot to tell you, Shasha, Aspasia is not called Aspasia anymore -And how do you call her? -Godsbride -Gods what? -Godsbride – Now I see -So, my Shasha, tell me your news -Ah, I am quite shaken up, Chistina While I was coming over here I passed outside that mall, you know, the new one being built, and I saw a builder sweaty soaked, every muscle showing -I beg you, don’t… -What’s with her? -Don’t refer to men, especially sweaty ones -I will be dipped in sin I hope you understand -But sure, how can I not? -Other news? -Did you hear, for Karanasiou and the smelter guy? -I beg you, don’t -She will be dipped in sin; I hope you understand -Ok, I’ll shut my trap -Hello -Welcome, my Dorita -Welcome -How are you, Shasha? – I am well; Here,we chat with sister Godsplayer -Godsbride! -Yes, that one – Forgive me, but I have to rush to the evening church process -Please, don’t mind us -I bid you goodbye -God speed, God protects you -Say; is this really Aspasia? -Indeed she is -Aspasia, the one who, when heard a dance bit would take her heels off, and jump on tables -The same; long gone are the bits, the tables, the stilettos -No more dancing nor singing -The worst is that she neither saves her armpits -Look what a man can come to -I can’t believe, that Antones, caused such a commotion Honestly, if I knew this then, I would never bring him from Italia -It was a dark moment, my Dorita -Dark? Are you the one to speak? -Yes, I am Is there a problem? -Anyway, let me tell you what happened to me I went today at the gynaecologist In the waiting room, awaits the husband of a pregnant lady The spitting image of Antonio Banders -I beg you,don’t -No guys, don’t For God’s shake -What is she doing here?!? -Swirl your spindle, you foghorn! -You are friends, and it isn’t worth it, a woman, to make you fight -Shasha, leave I am holding a bottle “Why to mess in bad turn outs
while the ladies in this world are few to count…” -Bitch, why you showed up in the middle of all this? -I was a guest star -40 families, that you, led them to poverty and squalor -I am going mad now, what is he talking about? -Don’t eat your guts, my girl! Call the riot police; then you’ll see how quickly this squatting is scattered -I would portray you, what the riot police will do to us but I respect your fur -Pantelis, shame on you -I can’t stay here anymore! Do they serve cappuccino at the canteen? – Bits me, Shasha; I beg you, shove off -Au revoir -No, we will meet again! -Guys, just a sec, gather in private -Madam – Did you address me? -Join our company, if you accept us – Why didn’t you stay upstairs at the negotiations? -I have faith in Antones He will take on his shoulders -Who? -The situation -Right, the situation -After all, the right is on our side – With your side – And what is your job position? -At the juice extractor – Wow and what do you do over there -What I do there? -I push tomatoes through the machine and then I collect the juices -In the old days, when we didn’t have machines -I squeezed the tomatoes by hand – If only I were a tomato -Don’t sweat it; you are a radish, nonetheless – I got stiff sitting on this chair! -Likewise; let me show you the facilities of the factory -To show you the way, we workers, drop our sweat -That is imperative, to see – You will see it – Follow me -My doll, my little doll – What fairy is this? -Who’s going to take this bride?!? -Why are you squealing by my ear? -Where is mama? -Here I am? -Black clothes on a festive day Why? – I have my reasons -I wish you a wonderful marriage, my love -Thank you so much, Apsacia, and I wish likewise – I wish a man goes blind and chooses to settle with this one -Live long, my loves -May your bed groans -Take care, my Shasha – And to my wedding, too -Grandmother, give us your blessing before we leave for the church -From the roots of my hairs From the balls of my eyes From my 20 nails -And from your four teeth; wrap it up, so as others can wish them -Mama – Live long, my love Happiness, hand in hand, with the man you love Although Anyway, live happily -Thank you mama, I will never forget your help in order this marriage to happen -Let’s go -You didn’t wish your son-in-law – May good luck goes with you, and happiness too happy birthday to you -Bitch, get a hold of yourself -What shall I say? -In better days -Live happily, Antones although -Anyhow, live happily -Thank you -Kiss you, mother-in-law, why you -Mother -Let’s get going -What!?! -Eat your ass and fart! – I enjoyed it so much -I am at Tsakalof street Yes, yes – Big Denny ! -Antones-the-man -Where have you been, we missed you at the matches? -I am ashamed of our ill-fated team This year we should hide for turning the anchovies (Olympiakos fans) into humans – Denni…Bye -Bye, Antoine -Yes, Ninetta, it was Antoine What was I saying? Yes, I am homeless Homeless like Annie Soon they’ll make a musical for me remember me telling you
But they are worth it Don’t know; how long should I let them alone? -Until 3 o’clock? You think I remember how long these things last? -Is there any euro,madam? It’s not for food; I want it for my shot -Why you, knave -Ms Denni – Don’t “ms Denni” me, or I will slice your ass -When did you get out, weren’t you in for a lifetime? -The usual 5-day permit – You are a lucky bastard – ms Denni -You are packing -Here -What is this? -Don’t look at it; it’s not a kangaroo – Ms Denni, a thousand thanks -And whatever you’ll need, lay on me -No need; Or, tell me, do you have gutters in the woman’s ward? -If and when you come in, you’ll get everything your heart wants Dennis-the-man! -Bye, my boy -Yes, yes, my Ninetta, I wish I’ll never need him but you never know -Nineta…you can’t guess with who I am clashing is half a minute With “Sour” -Wait and see, what I ‘ll do to her -Hi,Mina my dear, how are you? -Patience, ms Markora, whenever I see you. Patience… -Pitty, my dear; I was feeling a discomfort and I would love your support -Discomfort!?! -Yes, I was just speaking with Constantine’s Marina -Yes, I know. How is she? We’ve lost touch lately -What can she do now that she broke up with his fiance I think his name was Lampis -She broke up? -Yes, maybe something new came up in, what can I say? Have a nice walk, my dear -Bye -You should have seen me I dropped her the roadside bomb, and let her wonder for the terrorist tract -Two giros with everything -Deneese -Silvana, my precious -Deneese – How’s it hanging? – What kind of question is this, now? – It’s nice I saw you, because I was worried what happened with your brother? Was the surgery succesful? -You wait here, for him to greet you -Louisa, come over here! -Denise!! -My love!!!! -Come back straight away, ok? -Good morning -Good morning -Go now -I would like some beef -Which part would you like, to give you? -The leg is what I prefer – Leg it is then Whatever you fancy -By the way, I have exquisite beef liver -If so, take it out to have a look Or better don’t; I have confidence in you Also, I would like some mince meat from beef Chuck -Whatever you wish! -But I will ask you to pass mine through, twice! -But of course, alas! – To customers like you, We always pass it through, twice – One more thing Do you also have testicles? -Testicles?! The best… From lamb! – Throw some of those in -I will pick them up, in about an hour, ok? – Here is a real woman -The day before yesterday, “Widow” brought us some tickets for the Collins concert So, We got dressed, jewelled up -Wrap it up, Flora Wrap it up -I wore my good skirt suit, threw on the fox, to soften the rustic style, while honouring the artist This one wore her habiliments too -I told you before; the black outfit is at the drycleaning why do you keep nagging me? -Why don’t we continue tomorrow with the story? And eventually, we arrived at the club, which I curse the time and the day, my virgin Mary, because the moment we entered, we sniffed the job -I sniffed it – We were looking for Collins, but Collins was nowhere to be found Instead, total blackness everywhere and “recruits” all around, boys and girls with hair, this short, taken with clippers And while everything was pitch black, lights go out, and a tall black man jumps out from nowhere we are talking total tar, and only then, we got the gist that possibly this wasn’t Collins -I hunched it – Congratulations Marianthe, goodnight now! -The “shorned” started yelping, shouting for some Dr. Dynamite We were searching for the exit, but the door was nowhere Dynamite was thrashing about all-around continually a “gaunt” was playing with my fox while I was cursing “Widow” And all of the sudden we heard from the speakers my name -I heard it -Hell bitch, shut your mouth trap Like those in the tv news “I this, I that…” -I want you to look at this sphere -Ok, don’t get flustered Fine, I will look at it to see where this is heading You want me to yawn? – For God’s shake, mam, please relax and concentrate your gaze at this sphere -Shosho, do you hear me?
-I hear you -Do you hear me, clearly? -No something is wrong with the reception Move around a bit -Is it better now? – Loud and clear -Are you asleep? -I have flopped down -Tell me, where are you? -Don’t know It is very crowded I am in a stadium -Stadium? Which stadium? -Don’t know -It’s a big stadium -Camp No, Wembley, Yankee stadium? -Don’t know Wait a moment, I ‘ll ask -Quis est hic? -Beninie -I am at the Colosseum -In what language were you speaking? -Latin -Do you speak Latin? -Fluently It’s my native language -What’s your name? -Gaius Populo Cornelio Asklepion Africanum; You? My alias is Agrippas -So, you are at the Colosseum Tell me; what is going on there? What’s you see? -People…too crowded the Colosseum is swamped In the arena a lion runs round and round just now a thin, seedy youngster enters the action scene seedy, dishevelled, longhaired he is shouting something -What is he shouting? Try to listen -He is shouting “In this sign, you will conquer”, I take him to be a Christian -What about the lion? -The lion the lion roars The lion roars and runs round and round If we can make out from the point we are standing indeed, the lion is chasing the Christian The Christian runs; runs for his ife the lion from his spot starts running down, down by himself the whole bench is on their feet with agony he goes down, down, down and from that point with a lob grabs the Christian turning him into a….”saint”! The fans are on their feet, celebrating, applausing and shouting “Another one, another one” -You, Agrippas, where are you located? -Between the fans? -No I am at the lockers -What’s your business there? -I push Christians to the arena “Come out you, don’t hide, you too, come out” – Are you a mean person, Agrippas? -YES I am a very mean person and bloodthirsty -You are, indeed, a very bad person but when you wake up, you won’t be anymore You will be good and compassionate human being -Yes, I am going to be -You will love your husband, too much -I have a husband?! I had a hunch that I was queer -When you’ll wake up you’ll be a woman! You will be called Shosho and will have a husband whom you’ll love, immensely Yes, I will love him, ” like no one ever loves, a love where time never stops” -You will love the whole world -Yes, I will be overflowing with love -You’ll never torture an animal again -I’ll never harm poor animals, I take them to be you, and they have feelings too -Now Slowly and calmly you will wake up -Wake up, Shosho, wake up! -A bit more -Wake up -What happened? -I think that we had a very good session -What can we do, my precious, it’s a boxset -At least, is there any comedy in there? -It’s Kieslowski’s final triptych The White, Red and Blue movie -White, Red and Blue? -White, Red and Blue -These are the new shades for my bedroom, not movies -She’s right; Kieslowski might be heavy for Marina -Bring them here, why you, that he is heavy for me! What do you think that I am ignorant? For your information, the How is he called, ms Deni? -Kieslowski -I find Kieslowski Anyhow, I don’t want to upset you -You’ll see that you’ll love them In those movies, you’ll see the unexpected routes of love, the triumph of human communication, the survival through loss, the expressed self-consiousness through personal struggle in front of destiny -What a wonderful speech, ms Denni, could you write them down to repeat them? -Today, we have the honour to guest aa very young, very talented and a quite very popular actor, Thanasis Efthimiadis -Thanasis, hi -Good day, to you too – What do you do, bro!?! -Whatever I can, bro -Thanassis, the majority of the viewers noticed you from the tv series of Mega channel, “Dolce Vita”
-When did it run? -’95 and -’95?!? The year that Kieslowski’s Red premiered at cinemas -Indeed although, I make tv appearances since ’93 -’93?!? You don’t say! That year, Kieslowski’s Blue, premiered – Yes So, I wanted to say that -This year; where can we see you in, bro? -This year, I thought of making a short break from tv, but I’ll be in a play -In a play?!? Julie Delby you know, the one from Kieslowski’s White, will be on a play this year also – Excellent news for the girl – Girl Speaking of girl tell me, bro, for girls in your life? -Maybe, it would be better to stay on the play ? – Scrap that; let’s focus on more serious topics You are a man, very likeable to women Tell me about your relationship – Look, relationships at general have become way complicated -Indeed, the “unexpected routes of love” -Excuse me? -Didn’t the same happened to that poor guy, Trintignant, in Kieslowski’s Red? -Truth be told – In truth, have you been rundown by women? -Not equally as Trintignant in Kieslowski’s Red! -Ok, tell me now, in what degree this game of “success and money” has lured you? – No comparison with Zbigniew Zamachowski in Kieslowski’s White – Right and now What are your next plans? -Now, I plan of leaving, but exactly like Juliette Binoche left, in Kieslowski’s Blue Adieu – Bro, the cable -Take five and another five -Likewise I dream of a different world -A world without taboos and discriminations -Where my people will not be ashamed of what I am! -Dear Korina, let me introduce to you, our guests -Mr. Konstantinos Alevisatos is a gastroenterologist, a hepatologist, an endoscopist, professor at Boston University and a Doctorate at Ecole de Medicine -Nice to meet you! -Ms Dora Hatzopoulou Palaska, she is an art critic She has studied at the Superior School of Arts of Berlin Awarded at Paris and Moscow Currently, she lives and works in Grenoble -How do you do? -And on this side, Mr Alexandros Sokratous He is a sociologist, a political researcher he has a Master in philosophy, master in theatrology master in Social Sciences and has a master’s voice – I am honoured and finally, miss Alice Dermitzoglou She is a high court judge, a magistrate an AG and president at the court of appeal -I am glad to meet you -Our beloved friends My sister-in-law, Korina she is a prostitute -Please, there is no need for this I am no one, in regard to you – I don’t want you to be modest Korina, my friends, street walks from a young age she nurtured and raised two generations of Greeks in difficult times of puritanism, Korina, was the “secret school” of love -I beg you,please -My sister-in-law and my brother, exaggerate I am just a humble butterfly Butterfly?!? Firefly, you are a firefly! -How can they appreciate your value? the Tories, the Talibans That’ how they should treat me, but instead, they hide me in shame to present me to their social circle like I am some kind of a monster – Help yourselves, to some liquor – Health to you -Thank you, health to you too -And to you, whatever you may wish – Achillea! come quickly the monster escaped -The monster Where? Help me, this side Monster Monster come over here I said come here! – Virgin Mary -My glasses, help, it will break them -How did you escape from chains? -Don’t resist me! Don’t resist me! -Go away! -I apologise to you, a thousand times She is Achilleas’ younger sister, and we keep her locked down in the basement, for she tends to prostitution I, once more, apologise to you with a thousand apologies – Don’t exaggerate they don’t keep you in the basement with chains on
-Because they don’t have a basement, otherwise -Dimitris, all is nice and well, but you didn’t tell us how old you turned -22 -You don’t say, you don’t seem like it at all -Thank you very much, dear Ava -Because I made you for 38 -Go to hell, dear Ava -Why are you laughing, bitch, how old are you? -24, but I don’t look like it Do I? -No, but you looked like it when you were -Guys, one thing it’s hard to understand Why some women don’t admit their age I, per se, always and bluntly declare that I am 18 and a half -What are you talking about, you Cistine chapel, when my mother remembers you in ’69, as a wonder kid next to Andie Mackdowell -Why are you laughing, bitch? You thought, what she said funny? -No, but -Be cautious, next time you’ll be cautious -Anyhow, I imagined this night differently -You are waiting for another kind of night, for years now -I….must go -The best thing; Because I got bored, with you! – I have builders at home I am covering my porch with glass panels and I am afraid of being snitched by some neighbour -Why snitch you? Is there so much spite nowadays!?! -I am wondering the same thing -Well, bye -I am bored C,C,C,C Come on now! -Yes please, city planning services? -Good morning, I would like to file a violation At Ampelokipoi area on 8 Lakonia street someone covering her porch with glass panels Yes, if you come right away, you’ll catch them in the act Thank you very much -Speaking -Michael, is that you? -Yes, who are you? -My name is George, a garage boy and I was told that when it suits you, you tremble the pear tree -Who is this? What do you want? Why you make fun of me? Leave me be -Yes, please? – I am calling for ms Flora Miropoulou -This is she -Good day to you -We’re conducting a gallop -I am sorry but I am not into politics -It’s not on politics -We are conducting a gallop about the love life of butchers -Who are you? -Speak, please -Search the top of your head? -What’s the prize? -Trust me and search it -I am searching, but -Did you find any antlers? -Yes, please – Whore!!! -Yes, I am listening -Does your father know, what you do for a living? -Who is this!?! -Hello -Mr Aristidis Mirtopoulos? -Yes, in-person – Please hold, to connect you through Saint Peter – Cut yours, and put it on the top-self, you old yokel! -I am bored -Yes, uncle Oleng I am having a great time here Where do I work? In a multinational company! Although, not long enough I had a offer to host a tv show -How is, little Natasha? Good? Little Aliosa…? No, for God shake, speak freely The company pays the bill -Are you still here, you stupid gnat?!
– I am leaving Not before we do a quick control check to your suitcases -I don’t allow you to suspect me! – I don’t suspect you, I am certain that for, pass through customs – You insult me -Do you prefer, to be insulted by immigration? -I forbid you! We, Russians, are honest people Where you are from, you rat of the Steppes, the only commodities you export are Mafia, Hookers and Petroleum -Then why you hired me? -Because I thought that your Mafia is ruthless, while you are not Your hookers are beautiful while you are not Your oil is cheap and so are you! -Who told you that I cannot work as a hooker, you bitch?!? -Bitch!! You called your madam a bitch?! Out! -I don’t give a shit To hell, with you and this shithole you call home -Madam!?! Madam -Quit madaming me, and help me out -I am coming, don’t shout -How can I not yell, you anteater from Kremlin, Easy, Easy -Please sit there while I call ms Ninetta, and then I’ll be on my way -You aren’t going anywhere! First I’ll heal, and then you can go to hell -And how long will it take to heal ? -The longer I want! Why? Do I have to report to you? Such kind of traumas can last up to 10 years -This was for calling me “bitch” -Goodnight, my precious -Yes, please – At last, Korina I couldn’t empty any slot, to call you earlier I have my hands full, but I said to myself ” I will call her” -No worries, it’s the same here drowning at work Tell me, what’s new? -I’ve sent the invitations for the farewell party I hope you will not postpone? -Of course not my Patricia, No It’s final I bid my audience farewell, due to retirement -You keep saying that, but I see you drowning in work -I must save every nickel, Patricia Are you are aware, how much a marriage costs?!? -Anyhow, tell me, do you think that the party will be a success? – It will be a blast the streets will go empty From South Greece, they are chartering busses From North Greece, people are coming down by train, named “The train of love” – Stop it, I am moved -I told… quiet, can’t hear, I told only two people to come, my brother and my best man -Be careful of the groom, not to hear of it -No worries, this isn’t possible Leave it be, Patricia, there are other issues with him -He is avoiding to get off with me – Not even to my worst enemy -I am going berzerk I am amazed with my patience Tonight, though, I am planning to corner him – Don’t be afraid, give it a big go What about, that old goat; your mother-in-law – Leave it be! She is coming for a visit, this afternoon Now that I think of it, why don’t you come and help me – Ask no further! Just tell me what I am wearing, and who I am playing -Ms Blossom is a colleague, This is ms Logara! -Nice to meet you “Peace in thy soul, and thy soul to kiss let me” -I beg your pardon? -She is a girl near to God -Bitch, I am talking like a priest! “Love each other” -What is your profession? -The same as Korina I am an educator -I told you before; we are colleagues -At the same school? -Yes -No -No -Yes -Don’t you know if you work at the same school? -“God protect us” we work in separate schools but with a joint schoolyard that’s why I feel like we work at the same -Are you single? -Completely, “and the virgin Mary blessed us” -If you have another son, a doctor? Or an architect, I can consider it, as well -Ms Blossom -Nope, he is an only-son that’s why I care so much, to fall in good hands -Are you going out again, tonight? -Yes, we thought of taking a small stroll -Don’t push him to stay up till late He’s a doctor! His mind must be clear in the morning -God, protect me -Toli, my precious, how are you? -Struggling, ms Deni – In regard to Thanasis, I mean -Alas, let him be, this Thanasis ms Deni, he is water under the bridge -I won’t let him be, at all – He is not coming out, ms Deni -You mean, after all this fight we laid eyes on you Mr. Thanasis, we fell in love with you, we made you feel jealous, you got hooked, we sent you a note -It’s has been four days without response -And you are not coming out? -Who do you think you are, after all, Thanasis Grosos?!? -Yes, I made straight with the old guy If he isn’t going to sing me a raise Thanasis is off What happens now? I have him on hold -Are you Thanasis Grosos?
-Blood and flesh, the man himself -My God, what a Jersey Deni Markora! -Oaks and bunnies, angora -Glad to me you -Don’t even think about it This hand was shaken by the King -Fine, give me the other one -Maybe, I can cuff you, after which you’ll need 10 surgeons to stitch you -Pardon? -Speak, you rapscallion, why you treat him, like this? – I didn’t catch the phrase -Didn’t you catch the phrase? -I am talking about that poor thing, whom you have on hold for so many days – Just entered the oven -Why you; fiend! Don’t you have the slightest sentiment in you? -What sentiment, madam, what sentiment? -I am a professional -So you are a professional My poor kid, in what swamp have you tripped in? -Please, madam, don’t call me a swamp – God damn you, I just want to know why he desires you so much? -Thanasis with capital letters the whole market gossips I am packing big time -You propably are right I can’t see it, but if the market gossips – To make my self clear – Keep the distance Listen to me, madam, wherever I passed through people, afterwards, made t-shirts with “I love Thanasis” -Take 5 for the road Thanasis! -Miss Marple, this is where we separate our colour socks -My poor boy, in what hands have you fallen?!? -At the best in the market! Let me be more specific -No need, for any details -But, the detail makes the difference from competition Christ, isn’t there any hardwood to hit my head on?! – You Banal guy – to reach down to your class- You don’t want to be with him, can’t you tell him straight? -I have no problem to be with him But he isn’t paying well – You are getting paid too -Christ, what am I hearing and don’t pass out?! -You expect me to work for free? -Why you; male slut Don’t you own a heart? -Listen madam, my interest lies in lower levels -Watch your mouth, you speak to a lady -I meant at the stomach -And what is he going to do, in the situation you’ve brought him -What else? He’ll find someone else to do his job I am big hearted so I’ll recommend him a very close friend of mine, to ensconce himeself -He is in not Grosos, but -Christ, I need a chair to keel over! -Why you; procurer – Procurer my ass It’s just an errand so that he won’t hold a grudge while helping a friend in need -Christ what my ears hear! And on top of everything, I forgot to bring my “Evian” with me -I said to him straight If he isn’t going to give the raise -What raise? – Aren’t we arguing about 30% raise? -We are arguing about Tolis -Tolis who? -Tolis Voskopoulos (old greek singer) -There is something I want to tell you -Speak -Thank you very much -Have you noticed that lately, I am eating quite enough -Yes. I am not blind Your mouth works like a sinkhole -It’s because I am eating for two -“For two” is an understatement You mean, you eat for five! – How can you be so lubber? -It’s my charm -To our happiness -To our happiness and in health -I will speak to you scientifically -Thank you, it’s the only language I can understand -What do I have in here? -Green peas, rice, meat you had russian salad too? -Alekos! In here, I have a creature It has a heart liver and a tail He has eyes on the sides but no eybrows nor genitalia But has ears It doens’t have fingers therefore, no nails It has no eyelids nor eyelashes -You have such a creature, inside you? -Yes! -How long have you been constipated? – You idiot, I am with child You will be a father Go to hell -Say what’s you want quickly, for I have news to watch -“Listen to me” Florance Is there any photo of Costantinos’ father? -Bitch, have you no shame? Don’t you have a photo of your husband? -Why, yes; we had one, but was lost when we moved houses – You hold nothing for sacred nor holy -What I have not, is a photo, and I’m in a tough position -What’s all of a sudden? -Don’t you get it? I haven’t opened my house for so long I must hang him, to honour him -No need to honour him further! You honoured him plenty when he was alive -You are the one to talk, my dear! at 14 you were sent by your father as maid, to my husband, crew-cutted like a goat
so the Islands forget your filths -That was Captain-Anestis sayings, for I didn’t put out with him -What a handsome stud -A handsome stud, indeed -So what’s now, will you give the photo? – Calm bitch; come tomorrow to collect it -We are going to Europe, silly! -Red is more European -Blond is European -Yes, but blond is a slut-colour! Don’t aggravate me, this time of the morning -Go now and answer the door -Coming -Good morning, my precious, what other news? -Enter Enter -Good morning Florance -Welcome What’s the news from the underworld? -The same, my precious! They wait for you -I would hit your head with the pan, but you’re in luck, but I am afraid of the archaeological service -Get out of my way, Florence -Where to? -I am searching for something -Speak then -Hear me out Florence, I am preparing a list of presents I want to know when exactly Constantine has his birthday -What are you saying, why you Turkish mother? don’t you know when your kid was born? -Sure, I do I just forget the day, the month and the year -Bitch, I am wasting my saliva on you -Listen to a mother, who doesn’t remember when she gave birth to her child -Let’s not stick on trivia, Florance what matters is that, I’ve been a good mother for my kid -“Good mother”, my ass That’s why when people asked the kid, What he would like to be, when he grows up His answer was to be an orphan -Indeed, I remember it and afterwards, he said he would like to be a seamstress -Bitch, why you laugh? When you were travelling, you were stuffing him with Hypnostendon for you to cruise freely! -He was waking up in the morning, what should I have done? -Bitch, take five! -That’s why the kid’s eye was lost until he turned 12, and they were calling us from the private school, saying “come and collect your junkie” -So, this is why, when I was going to school performances and they would seat me on the first row, the whole row emptied -Leave, bitch Seeing you, it brings all back and I risk losing the freshness of my colour -Don’t care what you say, Florence But in difficult times, I gave a helping hand to my child -That was some “hand”! You handed him, from the age of 6 to psychotherapists Others changed nannies; we changed psychotherapists The kid changed eight psychotherapists until he turned thirteen -Indeed, it cost me a bit much but alas, we saved the kid -Let’s see, who’s going to save you, bitch! What kind of a soul will you hand to God?! -The one that belongs to you, I hope -Leave, bitch! I said leave -No way I am leaving, unless you tell me when he was born -24th of September 1957 -’57? Meaning How old am I? – I won’t say, no need to disturb you -Yes Right -It’s time to go Au revoir, Florence -Have a safe journey, Lady of the Wrinkle -Thank you very much, Run Lola Run -It ends here and now -Why you switched it off? -Go to a sports cafe to watch tv -What bit you? -You didn’t come here to watch tv -To be more precise, my father brought me for a tooth feeling -Let me tell you Isn’t time for the main course? -Main course? No way! I am full up to the neck -You ate well; you drank well -Praise the Lord; I am full -What would you fancy now? -A power nap To tilt my head like this – Listen, Vasilis, you are a man! -And this is a man’s world – Precisely! – So, when you’ll rock your world? -I don’t follow you -Your father brought you here on purpose – Don’t remind me, because I will get agitated and I won’t digest Telling me lies that you are a dentist -Now that I think of it I am all alone and defenceless here with you Hope you don’t take advantage of the situation? -Like I have nothing better to do -Look at me -What for? -Look at me, my boy! -There, I am looking at you -Don’t I fire you up? -With what? -With a fuel rag!! -“Fire you up” with what?!? With what?! -With my cat looking eyes my firm body -You are way too modest! -Don’t you want to touch me? -Quit squeezing my belly -You like me touching you, you look flushed -Yes, I am; For indigestion I have -Listen and learn! You are not going to humiliate me -It wasn’t my intention -I have a reputation on the streets Do you know how many became men in my hands? -While they were not? -You will not blacken my fame – For what are you famous of? -YES! -That’s right Mr Papasoglou, we are moving along, all is well Not yet; but even if we’d like to, we couldn’t dare; You calling us every minute To hell with this -Your time has come! (Manos Xadjidakis – The birds) Where, where, where, where, where
Is he, the one, who summoned us? So, so, so, so, so so, so In which pasture grazes? What, what, what what, what what is the excuse? What, what, what, what what is the reason? – Say; don’t be distracted by me – Guys, from the top! -Well done my boy well done That is your gratitude, melting my knees washing stairs, to raise you – Booboo join us, and perform something, not to waste such talent on melodrama -With pleasure, my boy, but I came for a different reason -You always come for different things -Well, guys; Sunday night, you are all invited to my house -Sunday? “Sunday morning, rain is falling” -We’ll have a cosy and calm night, celebrating my birthday – Once more, we are set for Sunday -Guys, is there anything, for Monday? -Thank you, so much, ms Markora -Alas, my dear! After all, I am not just a sponsor I am like your mother, better yet, I am your sister – Booboo, you said what you came to say Now, dismissed – Atout aller -My dear -Happy birthday, ms Markora -Thank you, dear -I brought you a wild orchid – Thank you -Your outfit is a nice thought, my dear -Thank you -But you left that thought incomplete -Glad you like it -Alas, my dear! When young, I was also a nudist -Diana, is that you, babe? For real, you look different when clothed -Hi, guys! – Eight -From the neck down -How was I? Have I made a grand entrance? -You are screwed, my dear, once more, you are not last to show up -Tell me now, who’s the ramshackle over there? -Hold tight The channel’s chairman – What a stallion, don’t you think?! I want to meet him -Start modestly -What do you mean? -I mean, don’t introduce yourself, as usual, “My name is Diana and I don’t belong to high-risk groups” -But you said -I changed my mind – Then call home before your mother starts worrying -She won’t be home; she went to a play I’ll call later, to let her know that I am not coming home -Why, did you fight? -I am going inside Don’t be late “I left early I’ll call you at lunchtime Love you” -Patricia We did it! Yes, in all formalities Yes, I don’t know where to Are you kidding? Wait, hold on a moment I have another line -Yes?
Hi, Bebe Yes, indeed it happened Last night… I tell you, it was great With bruises I am heading to a pharmacy, my dear Listen, I have to hang up, because I am speaking to Patricia, ok? Bye -Yes, Patricia, are you there? Please do me a favour call Monika and Zozo I will call Thanasis and Dinos,ok?! Well, thank you Kisses – Best-man I am so overwhelmed, can’t utter a word Yes, We did it! Yes -So, you talked him into it! Bless your mouth, Alekos Say, do me a favour Tell it to Michael, because he was worried about it I have to go, there’s another line calling, -Yes? – Ursula, my dear!!! Why, you Thank you You heard of it Zozo called you Yes, why, thank you! Thanks, thank you very much Tell me something, what time do you have, now in Australia? -“When somebody sees you, falls in love with you When she in love with you, where can she sees you?” -Thank you -Thank God -What is this? -Thit is to copy it 40 times to share it to 40 acquaintances of yours And if you won’t do this in 40 days, you’ll be locked in a hospital ward for scabies -Good morning Florence -How are you, my precious? – I am a deadbeat – Finally, you admit it I have,standing-by, an official form to complete Can you ensure this, in writing? -If they allow you, to wander freely, they had it coming -Florence, proceed to the door, please -Why, bitch? You asked the hearse that will carry you, to pass by? – I love seeing you laughing, Florance But what I love, even more, is when you faint! -Why, bitch? When did you saw me faint? -Right here and now! -Where is, my garfish? Where are you, my crash? My stunner, my stunner! -YES -Why, you; my one-and-only Why, you; my Ithaka – Menios, my Menios, my Menios Is that you?My boy? Boy, my boy! My Menios, my Menios -Where were you lost all these years, you wannabe-tough guy? -Is this how you hit, your just-in sweet husband? -Who destroyed your useless life? -It’s from joy, my Menios, from joy, my boy, my sweet – Stunner, my stunner – Hands down; why, you My Menios, Menios, Menios – Calling my name, groaning and much more, are prefered in private, after dinner in honour of my arrival -Stop it! Aren’t you ashamed? -Mother? Where are you, mother? -Over Here, what happened? Who is she? -Help me to lie her down -Is she dead? No, she passed out She was probably swimming, and something happened She drank too much sea -Virgin Mary, protect us! Where did you find this one? You went out to the sea, to fish sardines! -I went out for sardines, but look what I brought you A mermaid in herself -And what I am supposed to do, with a mermaid….a stew? – How can we revive her? – Can I beat the shit out of her? -She is stoned Probably she’s living at a camping site I know them well, they gather together and snort whatever they can find – Isn’t she a beauty? -Not ms Universe; for sure Why you brought her here? We will get into trouble! -Have you ever seen her on the island? -I am telling you, she isn’t from here Nor she is Greek, from her looks -She looks like Russian -Hi -“Hello”! -Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid -I am Thomas And this is my mother, Marouso -Daughter, what’s your name? Where are you from? -Don’t be afraid, relax Why aren’t you speaking? -She is mute -No, no! She can’t understand us She is a foreigner
-She is looking for something -What are you searching for? -She wants to pee -You want wee-wee? -Let it be, I will tell her Don’t be afraid -“Toilet” -Outside Trees “Trees”? – Mother, she must be thirsty How we didn’t think of this? -Bitch, you thirsty? Hungry? -Don’t you want water? Not thirsty? -There are green beans left, from yesterday -Don’t be afraid, relax -We are kind people Islanders, hospitable people “We” “We good people” -Here! Your stomach must think your throat has been cut -Propably, she is not into green beans -I apologise, I will go make lobster au gratin -“Do you smoke?” “Do you want a cigarette?” -That’s enough! You don’t want to eat, nor drink, not to smoke what shit you want? -Mother! -We are hospitable, but what else does she want? -Let her to calm down -Go inform the policeman They might be looking for her -Cook something else, for her to nimble -Yes, I will butcher the cat Go now -Bitch I will fry some anchovies, you fancy? – Why you never -You are not local, right? -Kazakhstan? Albania? Romania? Pristina!? – My good Christian, speak at last! You drove me crasy – Wait for the policeman to cuff you and you’ll see how your tongue turns into a spinning wheel – Bitch; where to? What’s wrong, you? -Hasn’t, the mermaid, yet awoke? – Wake up for what reason? She doesn’t need to She found the month that feeds the remaining 11 – Look at her, mother, how beautiful she looks while sleeping -And how inexpensive! While awake, she never stops garbaging her trap -You never liked her -From the first time I brought her here, you didn’t like her -What’s to like from this one? Yesterday, once again, she made a fool out of us in the village She took the boat out in the open, to fish -What’s wrong with it? -She was fishing in the buff God damn her The trawlers and the lighters gathered from around to peep her even the catamaran stopped, and the tourists Instagrammed her -She is incapable of making nasty thoughts She is innocent -Innocent who? She can even shod a flea I wonder, with whom are we dealing with? – Shush, you’ll wake her up – No one can awake this seal – Stop it already! You were always hospitable – And still am, but she has brought shame in our house -And you, all day going after her Everyone gossips you Be careful, Thomas, the island isn’t forgetful – Good morning What’s the time? The day? And what year? – Has anyone told you, how beautiful you look, when asleep? Even if it happened, I have no recollection of it -Brought you fresh milk I just milked the cow -I slept like a brick, dropped dead I think is this climate, it’s kind of heavy, right? Not to mention the dreams I had -Tell me, I know of dreams -It was as if, in my previous life -And Did you remember something? -Yes, I remember saying on loop I came, I came -You came? you came? – I was saying that, all the time -And what were you doing, while saying it? -Sometimes I was standing,
other times lying, prostrating or on my back, -Probably, you were doing some job, and you would come off it Afterwards, what were you saying? -Next, please -Next? -Were any other people around there? -Yes -Men mostly Young and old ones I remember a sergeant, a monk, vaguely in the background Mysterious your dreams are, like yourself – Come drink your milk and get up I want to take you someplace – I should nibble something, I woke up with a bit of an appetite – If you’ll excuse me -One moment, Tolis -Yes -Come over here, -Come here, babe, please -What? -You know what? Since morning, my neck hurts -Really? -Come over here, for a quick massage I am in torment Come, my soul, Come now -Come where? -Over here, stud I’ll show you -Yes, please? -Hey, what’s up? -Wrong number! -Constantine? -Peter?
-Marina? -Peter? -Contantine? -Contantine? -My Christ -Peter what happened, did you find him? -No,no – Nope -Then let’s go What are you doing here? -Nothing -What’s going on in there? -I said nothing, it’s just an empty attic -Well then, make way -Where the hell did he -Constantine? -Mina? -Constantine, what are you doing there? -What a question! -Mina, this is not what you think! -It’s not what I am thinking? Why all assholes throughout history, give the same answer? -Mina, please, let me -Let you what?! Let you what.?! You are naked in bed with this slut, and you are asking me to “let you…”? -First off, they aren’t naked; they wear sheets -Constantine, how could you do this to me? -Well, he didn’t “do” it to you, per se, -Mina, my love -My love!!!! – My love -That’s that, lad, you have guts -Don’t touch me! Keep the distance! -Mina, please, don’t be hysterical – Hysterical? Am I hysterical, you think? -Well then FUCK OFF! -Again? -What’s going on? What are all the screams for? Constantine is here! – Is it the only thing you have to say? – Marina is here also How are you, my precious? Say Why are you in sheets? -They are fucking, mam, they’re fucking Could you be more of a moron? Isn’t it obvious? -Constantine, what am I hearing? -You are not going to survive from hands, you slut!! -She is nuts -What is going on in here? My Virgin Mary! Constantine, what are you doing there? -Guys, let’s wait for the rest of the group, to avoid repetition – I jinxed it, the ruffian, by speaking of it God damn your relatives You did it inside your father’s house, and with this filth? -Like father like son, god rest his soul -Can you shut, all of you, up so we -Oh, we will shut up alright once and for all my love -How could you?!You -Florence, give me a sec to explain -Shut your mouth trap, bitch Madam Ortance! This is not his fault, it’s yours Because if we engaged the kids when Flora was shouting we could avoid this charade -Can’t you see, my precious, that he doesn’t want her Can’t you see it? There is the proof -Go to hell, shitty family – The same old, same old in here I got sick of you Let’s leave, Mina my girl, and let them drown -We are going, nowhere -Mina -Help -Let me rip her apart -What are you doing up here, guys? -The entire block can hear your -When did you return? Weren’t you in Zante, my dear? -Denni, I beg you, stop being hysteric I just came to check if you are ok? So, what are doing here? -We are searching for a fourth party to play spades -Constantine Marina What are you doing there? -Tell them what you are doing, my love?! -How you did this? -You need an outline, my precious? You forgot how to “do” it? -Denni! -Go ask, your little slut, to show you, how it is done – I don’t think this is the right moment to have a fight – He is right, ms Markora, mine problem comes first -Fuck – Christ…My child! -What are, your late husband’s swords, doing here? -So, you still keep his things -Mina put down my father’s sabre! -Kisses to your father, “my love” – How can I accompany you, my regal, now in heaven napping Where to find some courage, my eagle, now that you stopped flapping – I made an appointment tomorrow, with the notary, to inform us of the inheritance -I don’t give a damn about inheritance I lost my anchor -Did the deceased make a will? – Not of course How could he imagine it, the poor guy – Even so, guys, hear me out and get goosebumps I will never forget it! As we were leaving for the airport he stood there, at the door exactly where you are standing, Michael – There, it’s like seeing him – Wish we have a nice trip and safe return to home – He said such words?! – I swear to die And there is more We arrive at Malta, we sit someplace to grab a bite I am speaking this and check the hairs on my arm! -What is this wool rug? Tomorrow, asap, you go for Halawa waxing We raise our glasses for cheers – To a welcoming a trip – To making trips like this -To our health, and God keeps us safe -And to a safe journey back to our country – He had seen the dream
-He had a premonition, could see the future – I can’t believe this to miss the chance, at least once, to ask him to read me the cards -He had the gift He was “gifted” -Look now, he was a bit savage, but “gypsy” he was not -I didn’t call him a gypsy, I said “gifted”, charismatic – He was not only charismatic but also a housekeeper -With hands of gold Can you forget the sour soup he used to make you? – How can I forget? Sour soup was one of many the snails, the eels the froglegs – You didn’t lose a husband, you lost a treasure -I wonder who cursed me, and I can’t live happily -I booked you an extreme Unction on Sunday -It’s unfair to be a widow at the age of 27 – Look at me, I will not respect your grief nor the small kid – I’ll rephrase, At my thirty and two – By the way Just remembered What was everyone asking you, at the funeral? -What were his last words? What could I say, poor me? – So… what were his last words? – That’s enough, beautiful, I am toasted, like a black slave – There, go for it Clutch it Come on, nobody’s watching – Any Good? -Good -Flora -Constantine Here, drink before it turns into piss – So…? -So.., what? – Chill out. It’s just you and me! Preach! – Preach what? -What happened with the chick? Are we eating it? -Flora, please, I forbid you -Don’t be an ass, bro “forbid you” and shit to your homie? What do you think? We’ll talk like men -Are you mad, talk about what? -Not the”gospel of the holy twelve” for sure, you chum Lets talk about the babe Is she scratching your back? -Flora, end of discussion I won’t allow you -Go to hell, dimwit! It’s my fault wanting to help! Bring those back; these aren’t for your teeth Chicken soup suits you more than best Untrustworthy person -Mongolian BBQ? And how much is the wool for? Yes, wine included, my good Christian, we ain’t gonna carry it from home How much!? – Who do you think you are – Taras Bulba? asking for 50.000 to see your assface Bite me, you Mongol! -Tell me, girlfriend, where are you up to? -To the admiral’s ball… Bitch, I ain’t going nowhere It’s for my “diligent”, who made a mess with ms Mina and I am trying to get them back together -And how will you get them back together? -I am planning a “blind date” -What is this, you say? -I saw it in a movie When two people have screwed up with each other and a person who stands in the outside wants to help them get back together sets a date without them knowing anything so they get back together – Now I get it, It’s like our PM and the Turkish PM, whereas that UN black guy arranges them to make peace -You got it – Can you hear me? Yes I am interested on making a reservation I read on your ad, that you have “Byzantine swordfish” How do you make it? Tell me now, tiger, what’s the cost per person, on exit? -What?! 20.000? I wish all of you, to go 20.000 leagues under the sea – I didn’t get what Mina told you Come again? -I can’t remember exactly, he was calling from the street, It sounded like Verantzerou Str and asked me for you to meet a.s.a.p at the “Old-Pine”! -The “Old- Pine”? -Rumours have it I for a tavern, beyond exquisite! Family-friendly, pleasant environment, confidentiality and rooster in wine is served By the way, keep an eye, if they charge you more than 8.000 altogether, you tell me, ok? -Good morning, my precious -Panos, I have to hang up – Allow me to say good morning to Panos -Hear me out, you cunt, you don’t know what I am capable of Give up waving your tail or else Panos, I am good thank you Yes, lines might got mixed up Ok, then…Bye -What happened, Nikiforos,? you look upset -Denni, I was looking for you all night, explain to you -No need for explanations, my dear – I want to tell you, my Deni -You misunderstood me, I am a higher person
I would never condescend to overreact Neither to perform jealousy acts Nor asking you “Where – I fuck your antlers- were you last night with that cunt?” -Who the hell is it? -Don’t answer it -Who is it? -Constantine, my child, open the door it’s me; poor mother -For God shake, come on in, my precious enter, enter, enter Quiclky, you ox, quickly! The sun will rise I can’t believe what happened What happened to us! Am I intruding? I am not, right? – Are you kidding? We were expecting you, after all – Maruska put the luggage down -Denni, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? – Why is, that one, sleeping here? -Good evening, ms Markora – Is her father aware? – If I am not prying, of course, what do you want here? -I apologise, for the disturbance I am not a beggar, the need made me ask for your help -Constantine, are we awake? -What is going on here what’s the fuss -Constantine, we are awake! -What do you want here, bitch Did Moulin Rouge closed for the night and you were left out? -My child, Florance, ms Angelopoulou, I beg for your understanding I am a high-society runaway, applying for shelter -What happened, Denni, why do you act like this? -The police chase me -What did you do again?! -I did nothing! Simply put, once again, mother is paying for her kindness and naivety – Booboo speak straight, what do you have to do with the police? – Do you know who you ask? She’s the best client of the police chief – Immigration Services chase me Someone filed a complaint that Maruska is supposedly illegal and they came to arrest her for her 7th deportation -And where do you fit in all of this? -Can’t you see? I am accused of aiding and abetting a criminal Say something, my child? -Da -Da The offence is dealt with immediate detention And if they catch me this time, they’ll book me for 3 years -Constantine, my love, pass me my phone -Stop it, Mina, I am not in the mood -You had it coming, bitch, Who told you to prefer foreigners? Act now like a maroon -I saw no benefit from locals, either – Well, I am ready – What is this mess, bitch? Throw something on -I am sleeping like this when I am alone -Turn your back, bitch Saint Nektarios sees you -Florance, stop being hysterical – Be careful, not to step on the livestock -I am -You are not – To hell with you, always in my feet -So, to put things in order -We have to change furnitures -Stop bullshitting, you coater, I am speaking So, in this room Drinks, Men, Visitations, Cigarettes are off – This is not a room, my dear, it’s the dormitories of Harvard -At last, can you tell me what is going on? -Nothing happened, dear Constantine Someone told her some spitefull stuff, for a common friend of ours -Common she is, for sure And now, Mr Kasimatis you can leave -Yes, but while leaving take with you the “ruin” -My Denni, let’s go, I have -Yes, Booboo Go like good children you were -I don’t want him, I tell you, I DON’T WANT HIM -What was that? Don’t you want him? -Florance, let me explain -So, that’s why you hid in here, you worthless granny and I was covering your boy flings! -My children! I bid you farewell Only destiny knows when we will meet again -If it is kind to us, then never -Constantine, my son -Yes, Booboo, indeed We will speak later, on the phone -And you hospitable roof of my youth I bid you farewell. And you planters of the spring, which I’ll never see you again – Can I bring them down to your head, to take them along? -And you, Florence, my faithful slave, I bid you farewell Our roads go apart For this, is what destiny wants -Bitch, what did you drink, in the middle of the night? -I drank the poison of immigration Farewell -Farewell -Don’t you forget me -Move, you ox! -Make arrangements to put her in an asylum, because….she won’t -Tell her that I need her to have eyes on Denni’s house Who goes in, who goes out what is he saying, how he says it, and if he means it! -Slow down, I am not Raisa Gorbachova -Well, I want to know also if there are any other men that treats them with more heartfelt manner -Wait, I don’t know heartfelt -Heartfelt, child, Heart…heartfelted “con troppo” – No, bitch This is stroke -Christ and Mary Virgin, protect me Away from us -She says that she understands what you want -I thank you, child -And on my behalf, you’ll get whatever you wish for -She says that you know what she wants -Be serious, my child; stupidities
-I am sorry And I will do it because you are kind and handsome -And she will do it, she says, out of respect of your age -Is that so? Don’t worry; I ‘ll take care of you after dealing with your lady -Get serious, my child, and stop laughing Ask her if there is anyone going in and out at the house? -Yes, the father of that Mina comes, and they are full of crazy-paralysed love -She said, that Mina’s father comes over, and the “widow” does crazy stuff with him She also said some other shocking stuff that I can’t repeat them And afterwards, they curse at you and laugh by looking at your photographs -Really?! Take care, ms Denni, take care By the way, the Russian language is very concise If you like, Mr Nikiforos, I can take a picture of them – What did she say? -She said that if you want her, to go on with the investigation to pass her along through me, 150.000 for her expenses -Look at the russian mafia I like that she is smiling when she says that Tell her, that I am not going to give her not one damn dime -I would suggest, not to get her mad and give me to pass her along discritly to have your will done -You are a conniving bitch Do you know that? – It’s a shame, my Denni, for not attending the event We would have had a good time -Yes, it’s a shame -Anyway… -Come over here, for a sec -Pay attention, Flora, I had a challenging dinner with my family friend, so I would beg you to retire to your chambers, and shut the hell up! You can die,of course, which is the most preferable -Anyhow, to wrap this up I find all these coming and going with family friends most unappealing -Really? -Understood? Besides, Menios might hear about them and then I have to find a rock to hid under -I didn’t get this? Are you giving orders in my own house But I know why you act like this You are jealous Since ever, you were jealous of me For I, in my days, made many heads turn -You should have count the stomachs! Anyhow, If you want your stay to be pleasant and without problems We get up at 7:30 Breakfast is not served after 8:30 Lunch, mainly cooked vegetables meat only 2 times per week and never on Friday will be served at 13:00 Sleep until 16:00 After sleep we watch Jerry Springer, this is optional Dinner, which we will co-decide, will be prepared by the communist After dinner, we watch Larry King this one is obligatory Men…pay attention, never after 21:30 Too many calls must dimish, for the ring-ring make me headache and -I will kill you, that was it! A useless life came to an end -Bitch, stop acting like Tarzan and make peace with yourself I am staying right here All in all, you need me -I don’t need you, Flora, neither now, nor tomorrow nor never -Never say never, you’ll need someone to wash your gravestone for your mass -You are lucky, my precious, they prohibited the death penalty -Maruska, 2 dry martinis -I don’t know, my precious, find something to do Should I always be the one who thinks of such things? I have to hang up now We’ll speak later Where are you taking the frame, my precious? Here it’s the rightful place, and it will stay here -You’ve lost your mind if you think I will wake up every day seeing this face -Bitch, you didn’t honour him while living, honour him now that he’s dead His picture is an ornament He “ornated” me well enough, while alive -I know why you don’t want him, bitch not to see you, crawling in sin with every male, 18 years and above -Bitch, I won’t smother you; I won’t! I want to be jail-free on your funeral giving away 100 dollar bills “Take, Eat This is my body” -Get up! Get up, you sinner we’ll be late for mass -Who came? -Get up, you antichrist, get up the mass will soon be over -Isn’t it there a late mass? – Christians, listen to the atheist Νo worries, I will rectify this house Christ will come in here! – Christ is welcome, you should leave Take her, my Christ Take her close to you Besides, her time has come, you won’t do wrong by her -Get up, you blasphemous, you haven’t step into a church since your wedding -I was saving next time, for your funeral And now, get lost and close the door on your way out -Bitch, get up, to have time for your confession -I will confess your murder, now behave -Yes? – Hello Booboo? -It’s for you An unknown male voice -Yes? -What’s going on with her? -She drives me crazy, my boy She dragged me, since dawn, at the church – Indeed…and while waiting, for the priest to wrap it up bumping from sleepiness, that Christian started preaching
Constantine, you knew that priests preach after the mass? I was fascinated! Well then, he started talking about the sins and the debauchery of morals And there she was, “Falkoneria”, jogging me and saying “She is talking about you, do you hear? “you should be ashamed” and similar like village-talk The crowd was staring at me, and while I was explaining, that she is the family’s mental person, whom we take out from the asylum every Sunday, to have a home-cooked meal, she starts, if you can believe your ears, speaking with the priest on the pulpit, showing me and telling him “She should hear this, She is the sinner” and the priest was asking me to make a confession, while some old-geezers were sliding notes with their telephone numbers into my pockets I was ridiculed, utterly ridiculed -Nevertheless, how are things there? -If you exclude, the violent plans of assassination Maruska and I are structuring Things are good It’s a circus! My nerves are like tatters They slaughter each other all the time Yes, child, I am in grave danger I tell you, it’s a blood bath I would be in less danger if I were hooker in the Red Square -What are you laughing at, you commie? Look at her, she is smiling at me in a peculiar way Do you think she got it earlier, when I said that I detest them, and put something under the pillows? -Yes, they figured out you are Craig Thomas and they place bugs so they can read your thought -Why, bitch, aren’t they capable? -What more I can say, my precious? You needed another type of hospital but those we have in Athens too -Is she a bit crazy? -What is she saying, Maruska? -That everything is going to be fine -What did she say? -She said that your condition is very difficult, with minimum chances of success Go to hell, you potty-mouth -Maruska, tell her that I will need a bed for me, for the night -Do you have any bed for the shit-granny? -There is some debris left from Khrushchev’s era -What does she say? -She says that there are some nice beds, but it will cost you -You don’t say, they get bribes in this country as well? Tell her, they got smart quite early -Give her nothing, bitch, we’ll sleep together – Such bullshit Stinky-commies Here, give it to her, and tell her to turn it to vodka until her liver wrecks -Why, are those dollars? -Yes, and she gave them to me, to bring them food -I am going now you carry in the bed And look after them They are loaded -Don’t touch me, you filth you might have touched a hammer and a sickle Yes, my child, everything goes, splendid We are both here, the bfs No, my child, we haven’t been ridiculed at the Muscovites yet Ok, yes, we’ll speak tomorrow! Bye, my precious -My Constantine he called, to see, how I am doing It seems that he misses mommy -And if you don’t fetch the doctor soon, he’ll miss you very, very much – The man is right in the corner, he’ll show up -“Man”; you don’t say? Bolshevik’s have become men, nowadays? -Speak of the devil -When are you going to cut me open, you commie -Maruska? – In six days we’ll get her lab results, then we’ll set a date -What did he say? He says soon, very soon -Like I take his word for granted -Tell him; I am not Frida Khalo, to be easily fooled -And tell him, not to laugh, but to set us a date, or else if I stand up, I will make them feel, that the fuck they endure from Yeltsin will feel like foreplay -Tell me when you’ll cut her up, for sick I am of this bitch -In a week -What did he say? -If you don’t bride him -he says- the surgery we’ll be set at Eastern -So, a bribe? -What can I do, I will bribe him -Get lost, KGB people -He told me to give it to me, and I will pass it along -And tell him, to spend it all attending doctors -Bitch, why surgeons always wear masks? -So you cannot recognise them, if something goes wrong during surgery Everything is set! In 7 days she goes to surgery – Hi, my precious Marina, you will not believe where I currently am In Moscow! You knew So, how are you, my precious? -The same, as you left it -In Athens, everything ok? -Why did you hear anything?
-What can I hear from over here, my precious? Only Flora’s whining and stupidities -This is why I calling How is she? -She is good, but she has sickened us So, hear me out, my girl A wish and a curse I give you never to put an old man into your home -Give her my greetings -I will give them but it’s uncertain whether she’ll accept them Ok,then; Kisses to Tolis and to my son Sorry I forgot you don’t speak to each other Ok…bye, my precious -Who was it? -Marina She called to sent you her wishes -Now all is accomplished Next time sent my wishes too Someday to become less of a slut -You speak unfairly for her -And by the way, bitch; Whom did you call “an old man”? -You, my precious and I used the term “old man” as more polite – Get lost, you Sistine chappel, where your passport has one-digit ID number -Now, if I slap you, you’ll see -Flora…Flora…my Flora -You shitted your pants, you old geezer! You love me, bitch -Go to hell Me, Flora Barbaritsa, having the utmost clarity possible inside this madhouse, where the old geezer brought me in, and in case that the commies won’t cure me, which I highly doubt it because if they knew what they were doing, they’d still have the Tsars I give the property on the salt lake which that useless real estate agent couldn’t sell, to Markoras Constantine who’s a mule but with a golden heart plus 115.000 which I sowed inside my bed pillow to have them, in an hour of need Furthermore, 10 duvets, 20 runners, a complete set of cutlery bought with newspaper coupons and the frame with the King and Queen Mother are given to Marianthi Mantouna, spouse of Fotis Finally, all of my photos, the letters and my golden necklace cross, I give them to Denni Markora, as a big thank you for everything she did for me and for the surgery money, she gave that it supposedly was given by the kid! Like I could be fooled by the geriatric crow As for my antique-furniture, they are to be given at Christie’s for auction and earnings should be given to support parliament members of the Conservative party Moscow, 15th of December -Bitch, turn off the light to get some sleep -In a bit, I am finalising my will testament and I will turn it off -What will and bullshit you talk of? Have you gone completely mad? -If I won’t make it alive, What will happen to my belongings? They’ll burn them like that Jack Nicholson movie -Where.. am..I? -Am I…alive? -You live, Florence For your luck and my ill-luck, you are alive -Why do I see such ugly faces? Am I dead? -We have bad awakenings -Madam, she opens her eyes -Bitch, are you here too? -Yes, my dear, it’s me -Then, I am dead for sure -You want to sparkle you a slap You came too frisky out from the surgery -Why do I smell of carcase? – It’s you! -Madam, does she need anything? – Not her but me bring me a revolver and be quick about it -Bitch, the phone rings -Hi, Constantine -Booboo, skip the intro and tell me -Everything went well, if I am to judge from her awakening If you don’t believe me, ask her yourself -Hang up; it’s an international call -That’s my Flora! Are you ok? -What does the quack say, laughing in my face? -Maruska “translate” please -He said that she pulled it through -He says that you probably will be ok, but you have to avoid yelling, whining and demanding stuff -He is in no position, to tell me what to do -Have a good recovering -Leave the hand alone, for short in Betadine I am -Maruska, ask when we’ll be released -When can we leave? In five days we will sign the release form -What did he say? -That he needs 400 dollars to let us leave -You don’t say! -What are you talking over there? -What can we do, my precious, they asked for bail to let you loose -Give them what they ask They were always like this corrupted they are not gonna change now -Maruska, get ready to go and get the travel tickets -Don’ tire yourself madam, I will go by myself I have cousins in Aeroflot, and they will arrange some good seats
-Ah, well thought, Marouska -Of course, we’ll have to pay something extra -Ok…Marouska – And take action, bitch, of informing the kid, arriving at home and find him on his underwear -And then you started speaking of getting married and things that make me vomit -We were to tell you, tomorrow morning, if that’s your problem -Go to hell, you brine! You finally got him cocooned, this idiot! -I beg your pardon! -Beg me as much as you want; I won’t feel sorry for you -And why do you care for their lives? -I do care -Because those decisions aren’t made in such short notice -Because… What do you think, marriage is? The foreign policy of George Bush? Marriage needs thinking, needs conversation the idea must sit inside you, to ripen -And to go rotten, until your diligent makes up his mind How much more it has to ripen? Do you know, that, not far from now, she has to go to Robert Rey to lift her tits from her thighs What do you think she is; a baby girl? -What are you talking about, Flora, I beg your pardon -Shush, bitch, I am on your side If you can remember, madam, a woman’s destiny is marriage A woman needs a wreath – So does the dead, too therefore, make plans accordingly -What say you? -Yes -“Yes”, what?!! Say something -Say what? -He is right! What can he say? He is in no condition to say anything – Booboo, watch your mouth I am keeping quiet, but -Speak then -I will speak! You barge into my house you upset us, you curse at us What do you make out of this? -I make out that those two have isolated you in order to turn you away from mommy – Booboo -Boogieman, you shit! And due to our still active registrar relationship, I forbid you this marriage -Denni, to wrap this up You are the last person that can intervene in my life And you lost this right when I was 11 years old -What am I hearing? You keep a folder for mommy! Go on -You thought I’d forget when I was 11 years old and the apple stuck in my throat and I almost died Which you reminded me for 2 whole years, that you lost at Pinochle -What you speak of, eludes me completely Nevertheless, instead of thanking me for trying to save you from this grand-gossiper of the appellate court you curse me on top – Please, I won’t allow this -Go please your studs, where you pass for a lady, not to me -Constantine, tell her to behave -Yes -“Yes” what, speak now, or else – Keep in mind, madam, “A Bitch’s worth and white gold shows in the first year” -Thinking of marrying my son, and you would enter barefooted in the living-rooms of the Markoras family -You should excuse me, I don’t think I fit anymore in here Constantine, when you shake this “Thing” off of you, then call me Goodnight! -Goodnight -What “Goodnight”. you -Long live to both of you -Go to hell -Never say this again I won’t hear it This marriage will never happen -What else can you do, my Denni? You tried everything -“Everything” my ass! I invited tonight the Sour’s father to speak him some phrases -Meaning, What kind of phrases? – As you are aware, my sub-general, I summoned you herein my humble abode, because there are some things you should know before this wedding takes place Because I would never harm your little girl, our Mina, by keeping quiet For I am a God-fearing person and when many years from now, I will go meet Him, what will I say to Him? “I knew, but I kept quiet”? -Is this regarding my daughter? – For God’s shake, no Your Mina is an angel you will not believe the adoration I have for her It’s about my boy, that I want to speak of for my Constantine -Ok, I am all ears -Where to start, the poor mother? I can’t do it, but I’ll confess My Constantine is anarcho-communist -You don’t say? -I am not to say, but since you insist my Constantine, was a founding member of the “Red Brigades”, “R.O. November 17”, “20th May” and many other terrorist cells with a date name -It doesn’t matter, as long as he wasn’t in YCL -And an atheist,my subgeneral, an atheist When young, he left no church unviolated And there’s more! He is immoral You can’t imagine the careers he destroyed! The moment he sees a director better than him, he slangs him off, literally For instance, do you see a worthy artist, nowadays, in theatres? -No – My point exactly – Still, for doing so, he must have his reasons – Then there is the other issue He is ill -“ill”? -Yes, my flesh and blood is ill He suffers from a serious, hereditary contagious disease of sexual origin here I have for you, the certificate from the hospital here is everything, stamp, signature everything is legit -What can you say? Half of our high society has this kind of diseases -Right and all of the above have triggered, as you can imagine, a misfunction, could I say it? incompetence…could I say it? I will say it My son cannot produce children
I, of course, have accepted that I will never be a granma, but still -What can we do? If they want children, they can adopt we have money -And as you can see, all of these defects have made him aggressive, barbaric for sure, drugs have played their part too -Drugs?! -Four rehabs, and counting It’s not to wonder, why I am a club member at “the Canyon” But the consumption endures -You should know that he did try He really tried and finally narrowed it down to 10 snorts a day -Well then, he is making a worthy effort and with the love of my Mina, he will get over it entirely -I wish our little girl can help him, but it’s extremely unlikely A woman’s love, isn’t enough for him -What are you implying? -Never mind, I wouldn’t like to elaborate – For God’s shake, what is going on? – What goes on, is the big sorrow and grief of this family How do you think, his father died of? -From what? – We are keeping it a secret, for 20 years now But it is no longer controllable It’s time for you to know that Constantine is gay -Gay? -I mean, not entirely, he is just a bit As a fly can touch you! But I am referring to those fat flies we see in August -That’s absolutely fine and I thought it was something serious -Maybe you misheard what I said -I told you that Constantine is gay a sissy, a matron, a fucking poofter, as they’re called -If Mina doesn’t mind of, why should we? – Since your ass is itching, my precious then take him, – Mind you, Mina, keep him on a tight leash, not very loose As my grandmother used to say “The only woman who knows where her husband is every night is the widow -Doctor, how is Marina? – Calm down; it was nothing -Are you family? -In a manner of speaking, yes -Then I wish you a welcoming arrival -Who is coming? -Ms Kountouratou is pregnant -Can you repeat this, really slowly -I would be glad to I tell you that ms Kountouratou will soon become a mother (Traditional wedding song) “On this day a wedding is taking place in a beautiful meadow on this day the mother is separated She is separated from the daughter…” – Flora, turn the volume down, I beg you -Are you kidding, child? “On this day the mother is separated from the daughter” -Do you see any daughter in here, my good woman? -The song says it… – Can it say it a bit more quietly? -What are you talking about? How can we party on mute? It’s this wretched city’s fault! If we were on the island on a day like this, bagpipes and tambourines would come and we’d escort you on foot at the church, after carrying you around the whole island -Flora, help me understand There on the island, how do you distinguish between marriage and public humiliation -A good one -You come to the island, and we’ll teach you the difference – Well, enough said, time to get shaved, it’s getting late – You are mistaken if you think I’ll shave I am going as I am -What?! With a 3-day bereavement on your face Where do you think you’re going? At a marriage or a funeral? -It is yet to be determined -You’ll get shaved and you’ll sing along -Haven’t you heard the adage, “The groom is shaved for last”? They made it up, for cultured people like you -Get off my back, Flora -My boy…come over here, for a sec I need you -Be cautious, ill-fated woman, don’t get him agitated Nothing else, just that Don’t get him agitated -Take it easy – Hell, you jinxed me, bitch -Useless, why, you useless -Hear me out, Marianthi Keep an eye to the kids, not to steal any rice from the balls, and hit him in the head during the ceremony, or else the wedding will be off -What the hell is this, bro? We booked a BMW -Listen, my boy, why don’t you reconsider? You have 2 hours time left There are many cases of church abandonment “The graduate” with Hoffman, The “Blind date” with Basinger and many more true stories -These things don’t happen, Booboo After all, why should I do it? -Maybe you want me to tell you how yesterday I escaped getting raped from your father-in-law,- -by this close-, thanks to Marouska’s timely intervention -Calm down, Booboo, he didn’t rape you -I am telling you the truth to understand the filth of the family, we are going to be related to
– Total mayhem what do my eyes see? hello Marianthi So listen, outside, Flora is arguing with the limo driver, she is bargaining on the gasoline price That she has a barrel in the warehouse..and goes on I pissed myself – Now we have a full house; we couldn’t do without you What’s up, groom, what for are you worried? Worry not, we’ll shoot 3 Jacks and the job is set No stress; you’ll get married but won’t feel a thing – Are you serious? Am I going for a tooth extraction? -Better put, a complete teeth removal -Bless your mouth, preach He listens to no one – The doors! Quickly shut the doors The neighbourhood must not know -What happened again? -Good day, ms Markora -I don’t convert with rapists -What happened -…Dad! Call him Dad, after all, that happened -It’s about Mina I don’t know how to speak of this -She is lost my little girl is lost -What!?! Is it cross-referenced ?! – You are not joking, right? -I went this morning to her bedroom to give her a ring of her late mother and I found this for you “Constantine, Maybe this is a stiff way to do it, but the was no other way Although at the last minute, I realised this wedding couldn’t happen I will explain in time I apologise P.S Tell Flora, not to return the tuxedo You might need it soon You never know My child, Don’t be sadden We will get over it I am not so sure, father Guys; What’s going on? What’s all this? Destiny, my boy Well, well, Are you still here? Time for you to go home now Your red light will go out I pity you, Florence I repeat myself, but still, I pity you Well now, I am going to leave the besties to chat Cheers Come back, you! Where to? The showrunner said you must go on air during the show – At least, via link – Not even through voice message Cheers Come here, you skint-bum You are obligated to show up This girl was close to becoming your wife And how they’ll present me? The close-to-becoming-her-asshole that she left at the altar, goddamnit This instance, you have nothing more to say – Shut the hell up, bitch! Don’t root for him Mother I am, Flora Well then;…”mother” I’ve arranged for someone from the show to come and interview you about Mina on camera They shouldn’t even try, you hear? I will unleash Maruska to bite them So much hatred, bitch So much hatred Will it ever go away? Naive, Florence People might die eventually, Hatred lives on Bitch, say whatever you want I will discover where Mina is hiding While you sit at home watching the show, the day after tomorrow, and chew the selvedge from your cerement “I am a working girl, to a fine lady” Repeat “I am…” “a fine lady” You wish Bitch, take it from the top, without alterations Speak Can you explain to me, why I have to learn English -Because; you malformed weasel, All tv producers have secretaries who speak English Aaaaa “Aaaa”…..? Anchovies to rub on your wounds From the top “My wonderful boss is very generous” It means My wonderful boss is very generous You said you will teach me English, not how to tell lies If you keep arguing with me I will send you someplace, where you’ll only say “Yes, yes” “babe” “how big you are?” “10 dollars, please” Leave it be! If you are going to speak English like Tsipras let it go Let’s try something simpler “I am a woman” God has yet to turn you into one, but anyhow I am a pretty woman And I am Richard Gere Take five for the road “I, Medea, was the argonaut’s lover The prostitute of the hero Who always as brave man heroically steps on his oath” This is how Medea got a bad name “The ex-lover of a past hero That now has to leave leaving behind to hold Shame as a wedding gift” – Keep it down, my Christian, or the dog will shit on the sofa “Seeing his sons refugees Along with the wife, who spend a lifetime saving him” Praise God Yes Hi, Fotis How did you get my number? Fotis? Fotis who? My Fotis? Give it to me Why, you scumbag Why, you antichrist, you crook Not even God will save you Your girlfriend is at work, spilling her guts while you are playing stud, goddamn you Stay where you are, I am coming I am coming to get you And you’ll become the first Greek actor without ears What’s that? Guess again I’ll cut those too, bitch I said shut your trap What happened, neighbour? As usual, You can’t leave them alone for a minute They burrow everywhere possible Well said, my girl, blessed be your mouth , preach
This is what men need -Flora – Still, it’s not men’s fault You see, there are the minxes There are some minxes amongst us that you have to be Boris Johnson, to not succumb to the temptation -Pigs, sit down Beloved aircraftsmen I am very touched, this day, because in need to raise your cultural level, we invited the Arts Workshop of Mr Constantine Markora Come on, applaud This is art! Pay attention Please, enter What are they?! Guys, shut up Just these three? Here you go Now we’re talking There are chicks too? Shut up, you Nice, man We will have a feast You blowhards Do you have a team headache? (Vocal warm up) – Everything ok? -Yes, but be quick I don’t think he will last for long Be quick “On the 10th year since King Menelaus – Why, you guys Don’t These people came all the way from Athens, you to entertain us to hell with you ” They armed the ships, to go to war against Troy” Come play with my huge toy “A bellicose cry sounded” – Sir, warrant officer? – Yes, my child – Can I say something – Go on – What a noose is this, dear warrant officer? – A noose, right? – We are dead bored, sir warrant officer – Guys, later on, it gets really interesting I have read it, trust me – Later on, I will already have slit my wrists – Listen and learn, my child Petriniotis – What we are watching, is a bit heavy on the soul, I get it But art is necessary – Really? – What for? – I have not to clue, but it is necessary “what for?” and shit “This is why Zeus, sent Atreus men to fight against Troy” -So, what do you think? Brilliant right? – It’s good, yes but it tends a bit boring – Well, look, I might agree with you partially that there might be some boredom chips, but Still, no matter we see things, Mr Karamanos Art is necessary – Really? What for? -What? -Is this coming from you, Mr Karamanos You, an admirer of Aeschylus? – Man, I not asking for myself, but I need to give an answer to my soldiers – Fine, then – So, art is Mr Karamanos is the purgatory of our soul so that we can triumph in the fight against the amphisbaena of mass alienation – Right Now its crystal clear – Hear me out, you -Yes – In regard to your question on art, my child -Yes? – Keep in mind That art… is a predator – I am listening that is used to kill amphibians -Right – Is it clear now? – Crystal – Well done, my boy When will we dance? “Greeks and Trojans” “My poor babe with kisses and hugs I tease it I make it dizzy with games With hugs and trinkets and it asks for the same tricks Give it Give it Give it Give it my spoilt babe babe sleep tight babe sleep tight, I am doing it everything you want and it does the same to me – It is impossible for men to come to their senses – My husband was exactly like your Constantine a man of letters -They found him dead frozen in the toilet holding a playboy magazine
-Still, who can say what faulters? “Everyone measures their cloth using their own forearm” -Indeed – “Indeed”? Indeed and even worse -I guess you also had, an unfortunate life – My dear Marina, it was very unfortunate indeed – I’ll say, just, this “When everyone seines but there are no fishes to catch Hemmingway seines and fishes out calamari”, get it? – Ms Nitsa? – Ms Nitsa, I am going for a walk – Marina Hear me out Don’t be sad about what men say, my child If they could speak sensibly There would be fewer wars and fewer prostitutes – Marianthe, go now go or else I will spill the coffee – My stunner – I beg of you, this annoys me; I’ve told you so many times – What annoys you, my stunner? -Come now Keep your hands short The coffee will spill – “If it’s your and my will, let then the coffee spill” – Now, you remembered when you were slurping your coffee, elsewhere – Who this might be? – I am going in the other room – Hello – Hi – Diamantouros Stavros Diamantouros – Ok -Can I come in? – We can talk here – You know, its about a personal matter of yours – Really? Please, come in – What is this all about? – No need to panic – As I told you before, I am Stavros Diamantouros and I am a researcher and an analyst at AGB – My god, what’s this? Some spy agency? – We are not a secret service, mam AGB takes audience measurements for the tv – “The wretched devices”, as Constantine calls them; So…? -So, I am here because we want you to be part of our focus group -Well thanks but I am not interested I am over my head with chores, How can I sit all-day in front of the boob box? There is no reason for you to stand in front of the tv, the whole day – But then, how are you going to take the audience measurements? through Tarot readings? – No, it doesn’t work like you imagine – Hear me out – Be that as it may, I am honoured by your proposition But I will not bite Please this way – You know what? -What? -It’s not only that we chose you for your educational level which is, in truth, very high – Indeed, this is undeniable – Neither your social status, which is equally elevated – Also true, it is very high, still I am not interested I hope you understand -But the fact that you will receive 50.000 per month as minimum compensation for offering your precious time – Why, please, come in, sit down Why the heck, we talk while standing? You said 50, right? – Correct…50 – Please sit down, dear mister – First off, I would like you to answer at a company’s Questionaire -Gladly How many people, live in this house? -People Just me and Constantine as well -Someone else that visits frequently? Marianthe. She was just here but you missed her -I mean, some other male – I beg your pardon? What do you think I am ? – I apologise It is for research reasons – We have a family friend over, from Europe he is a guest for a few days – Great – What is the educational level of the rest household members? – We’ve said it already, really high – And what is the occupation of the household members? – Constantine is milking his mother for money, – I make ends meet thanks to my late’s father pension – And the family friend? – He is just passing by, he is not here to stay – It’s all the same, do tell me -He is an importer -Of what? – Is this on the questionnaire, as well? – No, but now that we got to know each other – Anyway He imports meat and vegetables – Right – Let’s focus on you now What do you like on tv? -“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” Watching the demise of rich people, gives me great pleasure -Which channel you trust, for news update? – The channel we trust for news updates as a family Is the CNN -Are you certain? I swear on Brit Hume Which I cannot take a greater oath -Who do you miss from tv? – Kelly Ann and her mischiefs – So you are into showcase programmes – But of course it’s my, already stated, high level of education – Now; regarding talk shows in your opinion, who is the best host? Bill O’Reilly Because he makes no guest feel uneasy – Meaning, that he is very kind – No; he, simply, doesn’t let anyone else speak -Right; About current drama shows? – All of them are a drama, what is there to complain? – Not to mention that after 22:00 there is no need to go online to watch erotic scenes – To make it clear, you say that tv plays porn – No, it plays ads as well – Right? – Any series, that caught your eye? – Indeed, all of them have taken the path of God -Really? – For sure, every series you watch, there is a priest in it – But this way, they have turned people away from mass – What do you mean? – Let me explain, For instance, I go for mass in a church nearby, Saint John’s church expecting to see a priest that looks like Andrew Scott or Dominic Cooper and bump into priest-George My will to attend the mass is diminished, you see therefore I sit and watch Andrew Scott – Right – Which celebrity you believe should do something different from what he currently does? -Gordon Ramsey To my opinion, he should host “Nailed it” with all those shameless wannabe-artisans willing to drop their pants and he should force his guests to eat the whole cakes made only then the show will acquire substance -Right Is there something you don’t get? – Kim She is famous for her ass why they allow her to express opinions? – So I think we are all done – Wonderfull; Is it time to install the device?
-I will install the device now and I will be back – So, from now on, you will know whatever I watch? – But of course -That’s amazing – I am ready to start smudging reputations I am going to show them -Is it already installed? – It was very simple – You are awesome, so quick – It was a pleasure to meet you – Likewise – About the 50 How soon? -Soon – Look, to avoid any issues – Write me a check on my own name – Or preferably, cash, In paper bills -It will be arranged Bye for now – Safe journey – Who was the lad, my stunner? – One of those who take audience measurements – I was selected amongst 500.000 people to install me the device – Really? – Really, indeed – Do you now realise, my value? But she gets more respect from strangers, than her own – My sweet girl, haven’t I told you not to answer the door at strangers? – And why is that? What are you afraid of? Aren’t you done with the Bulgarians? – That’s certain, I am done with the Bulgarian women – So you are clean – Crystal clean – Are you going to traffic women, anymore? – Of course not -That’s right, you won’t – Are you going to smuggle contrabands through customs, anymore? – From now on, I will sell only church supplies – That’s right, church supplies is a decent job to have – Let me answer the door, and I will give you an appropriate answer – And while on the road think of an aswer – What a nice surprise? – How come you visited? Did you bring me the check? – I will, very soon – Who is the madam? – Denni Markora Den.Mar. Productions -The guy is from AGB – Really? You can not believe how happy I am for meeting in person, an invisible man – Are you of this house? -To be more precise, I am the house – Both crumbling – So; I am the mother of my tenant, the one living here – Did you say Den.Mar.? – Indeed – of “The known company of blockbusters” – Indeed?! – By the way, is it possible to ask you some questions on behalf of our company? – Gladly, please sit down – Maruska, takes note I am going to be witty – For what reason you watch tv ? – Because I have humble insticts – What do you take usually, in order to watch tv? – Valium – No, I mean what magazine? -Newsweek – But Newsweek has not a tv schedule – Why? Do you believe our tv has any schedule? – Right – Do you watch a show called “Victims of Peace”? – I do, although I believe that the true victims of peace are the viewers – Where do you watch the news? – On Fox They broadcast more dirt on-air than ads – So interesting, the things you say – I am aware And with these kind words of yours could I ask you for a favour? -If it’s on my hands – Exactly where I was going for Your hands and where you can place them – What are you saying, mam? – I was referring to my pockets, my dear – You see, I am producing a new show which I am certain it will be a huge success – But with viewers, one can never be certain I would like you to, if possible I will make it worth your while, of course to rectify number slightly and upwards I will be content with just an extra 20% – So, what say you? – I am sorry mam, but this is unheard of – Ms Sakelariou and here is, the person of the day, ms Danni Markora – I am thrilled to me you I’ve heard so many things about you – Yes, but you cannot prove a single thing – Still, ms Denni; if I were him, I would have fled the country If every Greek, my boy, fled the country because he was ashamed of the things he did I would have been left all alone with Lady Liberty – Come, ms Denni, are you saying that you haven’t made shenanigans? – Of course, I have, but in my case, I simply have no shame – Please, be aware, Florance That woman was created from a man’s rib And like every butcher can testify Ribs are not the best part of an animal ” If you follow a black crow, you will eat shit by the kilo” Good morning girls – Flora – I hope you did not stole my knitting, or I will grab you by the hair – Get a grip, we have a serious talk – What’s going on? – Is he trying to convince you, to get Harvey Milk for your workshop – Flora – Take George Michael as well, as if I care To hell with both of you – I beg of you, my boy, say “yes” to give us a peace of mind – Indeed, gives up a piece of mind Because I lost 10 years from my life this evening Meaning, now you are in debt “A whore who keeps it secret, is betrayed by her joy” She dropped the show and took off -And what is your position, my dear? The Ranger at Scorched Forest? -My babe, what happened to you? – My stallion, my eagle What happened to you? What have they done to you? Who wounded you gravelly? – Keep your volume down, my dear This is not a public hospital – It’s all your fault bitch -Are you hurting, my moon? – He’s hurting, bitch, don’t just sit there run and fetch a doctor – I beg of you “slaves and masters, pissing in the same pot” -I will not lower myself to your level If I blow you one, you fucking joker ” I wish your eyes roll out, and fall into your apron”
“A curse is a dog, it will always finds its way home”