How to Attract Girls at a Bar (The 2 Keys To Mastering Talk to Girls at Bars)

Duke: Hey guys I’m Duke DeLaet for The Attractive Man and we just got done with a seminar in New York City where I talk about night game and conversational tactics and how to be fun and how to escalate in the night club it’s about a half hour of killer content so go ahead and check out the video I’ll see you at the end. *Applause* All right guys I’m supposed to be talking about night game and escalation that was what’s on the paper you guys go out a lot at night yeah hey how many times a week so to speak ish three times a week very good you guys are not going out at night there’s a couple of really good reasons to go out at night work where can I stand right here hi camera it’s up there’s a couple of really good reasons to go out at night although we’re primarily a day game training company we do offers all our seven days and I’m on the end of the three days to the VIP sections we do night game and that’s probably my favorite part it’s one of the most difficult things to do because there’s so much stimulation going on there’s like music just lights everywhere if you know the EDM club’s there’s all those like co2 Jets and like random asian chicks jumping up in groups and it’s it’s pretty ridiculous and it can kind of fry your circuits out if you haven’t done that a lot and just like the progressive desensitization stuff that Matt was talking about earlier if you go out into this high impact high speed crazy environment and then you slowly desensitize yourself to it you can like if you can game there you can get anywhere right and that’s why it’s my favorite favorite thing to go do because it’s so over-the-top and not like personal and and real and vulnerable and intimate that if you can get yourself to be real to be yourself to be you know firing on all cylinders in your communication in that environment then you can do it in a day game situation you know the bookstore library offers don’t know where ever you go right so it’s one of my favorite things to do so if you’re not going out go out one of my old mentors used to say if you just go out every night of the week for the next two years all of your problems will solve themselves right so I listened to him and I did it and I went from not being able to go out at all because I was first night of the nightclub I was like this I honestly thought that they were gonna see how uncool I was like yeah I got doesn’t belong here and kick me out right it’s like totally irrational but that’s where I was and slowly I would just go out half an hour a night just keep going and I would start talking to people I make friends and then everything started to get easier then now I go out and get crazy on the dance floor and pick people up and there so you can desensitize yourself just by going out but this came up in the coaching call a couple days ago when we did our attractive man coaching called inner circles I would they call now inner circle yeah the inner circle you’re like yeah I’ve been going out a lot but I’m just like I’m not pulling consistently bro I’m like okay well what are you doing and then we did this whole long talk about it and if you go out you got to go out with very specific goals right if you really want to make progress super quickly if you just want to kill fear and introduce yourself to a new lifestyle and have a bunch of crazy adventures that you never thought you’d find yourself in then just going out will work right but if you want to go out and you know make progress in the game so to speak and be able to look back into six eight months and be like oh man I got from there to here holy crap this is awesome then you got to go out and very specific you gotta take take your goals and and try to take them off and check off the boxes the problem with all of that is if you go very specific with your goal sets then you can get attached to the outcome I’ve heard that concept before getting attached to the outcome and not being able to get things that aren’t fully in your control can you know make you drop in state and make you feel bad about yourself and if you’re the kind of person that’ll beat you beat your own self up when you go home then it can actually create aid negative effect that kind of a domino effect into the rest of your life so we focus on concepts when we go out we don’t necessarily want to do very specific things that are external like that other like like the difference between doing something that’s external then let’s do that idea here I’ll do this we’ve got a specific we want to focus on us in our state right the attractive man model of game and you may have heard all sorts of things about night game in the entire pickup community and there’s a lot of good

things from anywhere but Matt likes to keep it simple so the attractive man model of game comes from fun being able to have fun and being open and being able to relay that to other people and then what we call escalation right you guys are geeks about game escalation what does that mean progressive right yeah to keep moving forward keep pushing things forward right so if we blend the ability to be open fun and and give that energy off to other people they generally reciprocate right for a bunch of weird psychological reasons and emotional psychology evolutionary psych reasons and I want to get into but if you the old rule of the whole thing was called the law of state transference what you feel they feel right so if you go out and you’re uninhibited and you’re fun and you’re free and you’re like ah what’s up and you’re able to communicate and convey whatever you want to convey then those people will go oh I’m allowed to do this in this environment and they look up to you for that because you’re giving them the freedom to do what they wanted to do they want to go have fun they want to they want to be able to talk loud and they want to be able to communicate with everybody just the way that they want to without the fear of being judged right if you go out there unabashed you just like that what’s up and they’re like this guy is really weird you like I don’t care who are you you know and you’re there in their space they’re also gonna feel oh it’s so freeing to not be judged by a guy like this this guy’s not gonna judge me this guy you know in a way by being sort of out there and overexpose you create a sense of safety does that make sense so we based the whole model the simple model I use a lot of words and then I called it simple right we base the whole model on fun in isolation but what fun really means is that we want to give our entire personality out uninhibited and then invite other people to do the same and we generally get a lot of friends doing that right so what are some ways you can have fun in the nightclub just in general dancing and what dancing how many of you love to dance at nightclubs okay so dancing is great I’m not gonna do a demo for you okay but dancing is one of the most amazing ways to have fun in the club because if you can do it with full without holding anything back it doesn’t matter how you dance or how much rhythm you have but if you can express yourself through movement it inspires other people better than words better than vocal tonality or anything else right the goblet absolutely just rock it out and they’re like that guy is a really crappy dancer but I love his energy yeah and I get girls tell me all the time you’re a great dancer I’m like I am NOT a great dancer you just like the way you feel when I’m in front of you so it works if dancing is great what else hmm yeah yeah pictures a very old game thing back in neil strauss days earlier actually back in 99 when mr. e wrote his first book he talked about the photo routine right he would go out and he’d take a big picture cuz you take a digital camera back then because we’d have camera phones and they’d pictures rats and what happens the flash would go off right and then everybody to go are those people important and everybody’s going like this and it’s like oh they’re having fun they’re having way more fun than me I want to be part of that group I want to be part of that energy yeah it’s really good taking pictures right now because social media is so big for especially the millennial generation if you go out in you trying to hang out a bunch of younger chicks they won’t even talk to you on the text message half the time right so let’s go social media is so big we roll in and snapchat right and then we get the same effect from little pictures routines and then but we have it on snapchat then we can run through and show them all that stuff and party life and they can see it at social media which is a whole different topic what else fun nightclub aha buying people drinks if you’re a man of means yeah yeah yes it’s really good especially high status guys if you can grab them stuff it’s like oh you haven’t tried this whiskey its local check it out right if you’re a man of means it’s a really really good strategy if you can pull it off like a giver right when you’re giving out shots to anybody male female or giving anything away if you’re doing it with expectations of something

in return and you’re giving that energy as you come out it doesn’t matter how much of this you give away it comes with the wrong energy they’re like oh I don’t wanna feel obligated in reciprocity right what I like doing a lot is making friends especially in Vegas there are these my favorite club in Vegas is called excess and there’s a it’s right next to the pool or all the the big major baller tables right big couches around the pool that’s all instead of going through the line where all the people are like oh are you part of the VIP crowd no I just walk along the pool right because nobody wants to take their freaking shoes off there I don’t care you know walk along the pool I make friends with these guys they invite me for shots and then I invite girls in and the guys aren’t gonna let me not pull girls into the place cuz that’s why they’re there in the first place it’s I’m already a winner to everybody involved it’s like where they call it arbitrage right you you’re giving the girls the alcohol you given the guys the girls and just like everybody loves you because you’re the mediator of all the all the stuff and so yeah that’s a really good thing but if you’re not a guy of means buying drinks it should not be your primary strategy right what else what few more things talking to people randomly very good being the friendly social guy is that kind of what you mean or you’re just like hey berry bushes I like teddy bears yeah what do you mean by random yeah it’s actually one of my favorite warm-ups to do so what we call short setting well walk into a club we’ll spend two minutes with the first pube table we see blah blah blah blah blah okay see you guys later on the dance floor next one hey what are you guys doing tonight what are you celebrating blah blah blah blah blah do that 20 30 times you get to know the whole club you get a social proof and you get it get your own vibe amped up it’s super awesome yeah anything else yeah yeah yeah yeah very good yeah especially a that’s a whole other topic is the whole us bubble girlfriend frame thing but yeah it’s it that’s awesome okay so another a couple of ways we do it is we will do it called roll place all right well pretend we’re one thing and she’s another thing and they puts us in a little cocoon of imaginary awesome one one example as husband wife any other role play ideas yeah you’re part of the same lion tribe or a rough ride okay I might work I’ve never tried it but I’m not gonna poo poo an idea I haven’t tried right yeah you can do that Josiah today we were out doing the I was filming him and we were doing the day game stuff and he actually proposed in the middle of the of the by this arc in the middle of the park because she was all vibed up and everybody was like supporting here I think because he’s like on his knee there’s these people and so she’s like yes right and they played this whole little game where he picks her up in the air and everything’s cool you know I ki just met her like like 12 minutes before something like that and but she’s having the time of her life playing this role and it’s not serious you’re not lying to people you’re not like you know misleading them and leading them on I get this online sometimes guys are like don’t ever tell a girl you want to be your boyfriend you actually want to sleep with it bro like first time you pull the girl that you just wanted to sleep with you can give me advice anyways the but yeah it’s fun another one I like to use a ninja bodyguard I’m like you know actually I don’t want to tell you this but I’m I’m actually kind of a big deal and I lost my bodyguard staff today it’s a freak accident it was pretty ridiculous but uh here do this for me and then she’ll be like yeah like you’re very strong you’re hired you’re my new bodyguard said what you’re my new bodyguard the only job is if you see anybody suspicious or weird right don’t be racist you see these suspicious are weird you just let me know if I get down right because you know I’m very important person the world would lose me you know and then she’ll she’ll do the thing ha ha ha then you let it go little later I’ll guide you just grab her by the hips like behind her you’re coming for me and it’s just a fun little role-playing right and this is this sets you apart from mr. page – what do you guys do now yeah what y’all drinking there cool cool you from around here or what sick my sister’s from there Yeah right you just set you apart from these guys Panthers just messin with people and I like to I like to bag on people a lot

when it comes right to the moment I don’t really have a system for that I’m just kind of a jerk so works and then cold Reed’s are saying something that are like two things that are opposite in the same sentence like you know you look really really straight-laced and you got your shit together right but I bet something like look your closest friends would tell me that you’re a mess because both of those things can be true at different times it’s like oh my god he knows he knows he knows me so well super awesome okay so that’s the fun part right you have a bunch of different options for fun I know I like tangent it over here right but I said we focus on concepts so when we go out and we want to go have fun you can focus on something specific tonight I’m gonna try three role plays ninja bodyguard I’m gonna try to get married once my buddy here we’re gonna pretend he’s a reverend we’re gonna perform a ceremony in the middle of the dance floor in the Vegas seven day I do that like every time we go out there it’s hilarious because I’m actually a reverend in the state of California from the internet so I like a live weave I married one of my students I performed his wedding is what I did and so that’s why I got my certification anyways so that’s all oh good you have plenty of things that you can do and you can set small goals to practice some of these fun things to do all these things are designed to a make you stand out and B make you pull your own self the fun self out because a lot of times you’re there you’re driving to work back and forth from work you’re out of the computer all day you’re hanging out with these people you’re listening to all this stuff your mom’s whining at you about what she’s gonna do about her hospital bills or whatever it is right and the normal everyday humdrum life is like I’m logical man I crushed my obstacles when you walk into a nightclub and you’re like in this mode you don’t feel like conveying you don’t feel like telling stories being silly screwing with people right and so when you start doing that stuff as a practice it takes that part of you that knows that the parts of you that just laughed at me when I gave some examples who know what I’m talking about how to relate to people it takes that part of you to let you pull it out right and the more you practice it the better you get at it right from that point so we have fun and then we have escalation so from that point from the fun point you can’t really do escalation serious and lame you can’t be like right it’s weird so you kind of got to get our emotions happening and for sake of time my grandfather used to say if you can make it laughing and kiss her right and that’s I didn’t know how true that was until I got into the game I learned about buying temperatures spiking and stuff it’s actually when you make her laugh that’s when you should kiss it that’s the that’s the rule generally but anyways so on escalation you want to be fun first you want to have that child is playful side out I’m not saying that other types of game don’t work I’m not saying you can’t be James Bond in the club super cool show off your great watch and make eye contact and I chose you get on my helicopter I’m gonna tell you in my basement sign this contract right like you can do that but I don’t teach that because I’m no good at it so escalation works like this what is it what do excavators do they go up I like that very smart right estimators go from here to here so for lack of time and a big lengthy craziness plus Matt likes to make things simple escalators go up so when you escalate what do you do go up right so here’s my rule about escalation if you are not further along than you were two minutes ago go up so if I ask you a question us for physical escalation specifically what is more intense let’s hire up the escalation Janne brushing your lips across her cheek or making out with her making out with her how about putting your hand on her thigh or biting her ear like depends how far up to 500 K but what do you think yeah biting the ear right so it’s pretty obvious if you’re at a one certain spot what would be stronger than what you’re doing now right so you don’t have to think I know there’s all these if you go on the internet there’s all these what they call escalation ladders VIN DiCarlo has one Jeff he has one there’s a bunch of runs of them it’s like okay first off

I’m gonna grab one hand then I’m gonna grab the other hand and then we’re gonna do this thing hand on the hips and both hands on the hips then we’re gonna what we call rocking with reporter then I move my nose on her nose but I’m gonna pull back then I’m gonna brush by her ear then I’m gonna pull back then I’m gonna laugh with her a little bit then I’m gonna reach my hand behind her right this is they did it at it there’s all of the stuff that if you like a super big geek nerd about it you can definitely study and try them in order in sequence but you guys are actually smart enough to know that the next level is somewhere more intense than what I’m doing right now right so you can make a choice and go okay well I’m not as far along as I should be at this mode so next level and you can try something else okay so that’s the escalation concepts super simple right go next if it’s if you’re scared to try it then go half next if you’re scared to go try to kiss her kiss her right on the cheek right here okay do that about 15 times you can get sick of it you’ll make out with girls right so that’s that’s a quick example of what escalation means right here’s the the big top secret not so simple but instable part of escalation there are multiple modes of escalation we have physical we have logistical logistic but what’s the right grammar for that well just achill and we have verbal what do you guys think verbal as collision is talking right it’s verbal so verbal escalation starts from we’re not talking about sex – god I want to be inside you or I love the feeling of you right well I’m inside you right that’s that’s up here logistic exhalation logistical escalation is you are in a space where she can be judged by jumping bunches of people – you are isolated and she can’t be judged by anybody but you further up there is your she knows that you won’t judge her right so we’ll just desolation goat she can’t be judge or she can be judged by a whole bunch of people she’s not being judged over here at all right she’s it’s very difficult for her to have sex with you when everybody’s watching like this is like a it’s like a like a it’s a real simple concept do you want to get her away from everybody else who makes her feel like she has to act a certain way she wants to be free to hang out with you in a sexual manner so pull her away from all the people that are gonna make her feel judged that’s that’s the whole point of a logistical escalation and then physical escalation is obviously you’re not touching to some part of you as inside some part of her up here at the highest level right okay so whatever your your morale whatever your moral feelings are on that thing you can escalate further along than you are on any one of these different modes so here’s the complicated part you don’t have to talk about sex to get laid you don’t have to talk about sex to get intimate right so verbal escalation is important but it’s not necessary for the game at all like you don’t really have to talk about it in order to get there but the other two are like neck and neck with each other so if you like a practical example is if you’re escalating physically and you’re making out and you’re doing all this stuff and you pin her up against the wall and dance for her right and then she’s like I gotta go the bathroom with poop she’s gone anybody ever had it happen have you yeah that’s because she uh she felt like a slut by doing these things that she was getting judged for she would be just fine on your couch but she was not just fine to the dark corner of the dance floor which you realized what she was doing she was in that caught up in the moment emotionally and then she’s like oh crap I don’t even know this guy and poof gone and you’re like she said she was going back so so it pays to escalate the logistics along with escalating the physical right this is the important key here everybody’s like yeah I kind of know how I’m doing physically I just don’t know when to pull the trigger I’ll tell you what they move it kind of the same level so if you go logistic they’re like here we’re joining your friends and it made it come to the bar with me now she’s away from her friends oh come back out to the patio okay I know this other bar it’s right next door okay hey get in this uber we’re going across town my friends are here I want to leave them right why because we’re not physically escalating at all he’s like why is this guy being super friendly and then trying to drag me all over the place but if he’s into me and he’s trying to physically escalate it makes sense he’s trying to make any you know excuse for for escalation so they kind of move neck-and-neck so if you get stopped on either of those two modes of escalation if you’re gonna maybe if you get stopped and physical like you’re touching touching you’re making out she’s like oh I don’t know she gets all weird mover move over to the other level of escalation because you’re probably

not doing the logistics you’re like sitting there in the nightclub trying to make out your fingers are the places it shouldn’t be in public right she’s like like this okay cool let’s go outside okay a pizza afterwards yeah okay cool ah then you can escalate because there’s kind of a baseline kind of set by each other does that make sense so most guys when they first start physical escalation a game what they’ll do is they’ll come in and they’ll be like oh yeah I grabbed the hand oh she let me do it I put my arm oh she let me do it oh I smell her hair she she’s like she turned the cheek but she’s being nice and he’s just chipton me fuck oh and then they cut the thread and then they they’re like next girl if the girls like yeah right so I’m not gonna go on record record ever saying that no means yes cuz it doesn’t but what’s up five minutes awesome because it doesn’t because I’m all about consent I used to be rape defense a sucker actually I’m all about consent but I will say that sometimes if she’s still there a hard rejection of a physical escalation move but if she still wants to hang out and talk to you that means not yet right I’m not saying push things that obviously aren’t going somewhere and be an asshole don’t be a mmm YouTube I’m not saying push things that are there don’t be coercive no be an idiot dude but if she’s still there she still wants to talk to you even though you tried the physical advance she probably respects you for making a move she’s just not ready for it yet right so it’s time to instead of cutting the thread and leaving the set or feeling super awkward and making everything weird time – okay cool let’s go somewhere else right logistical escalate because that’s what you’ll do in that space it which is like I don’t really want to leave my friends when I don’t want to go cool okay physically escalate right and verbal if you can’t right that’s not necessary so that’s the the escalation model I have it’s fairly simple even though I talk a lot about it and try to make it all big and complicated basically you just do more than you were two minutes ago right that’s the rule if you’re sitting there and talking to a girl and you’re like uh well what about your family and then half an hour later you’re still talking about our family right that doesn’t help anybody get intimate does it help her meet the man of her dreams who sweeps her off her feet doesn’t help you get whatever you were looking for you know your harems or your future wife or whatever your your goal is in-game it doesn’t help to not move the interaction forward now I’d say push the interaction forward but it’s actually a form of leadership to be the guy who moves everything forward and in our current culture even though its poster by feminism and we have all this equality and we don’t know what gender we are in some places right I’m okay with all that except for the fact that the man still has to lead but even in lesbian relationships if you are playing the masculine role she will lose all respect for you if you don’t lead so be the guy who pushes things forward very difficult to do that when you’re not in a good state in the nightclub right that’s why the fun comes first okay so I had all those examples of fun you want to sort of alternate on being fun escalate and escalate fun escalate fun that’s late and it generally gets to a point where it feels right to step into the next level when it feels wrong switch modes and everything every time you go out to the nightclub because if you’re not going out you guys got to go out it’s it’s a great environment to practice it but every time you you go out and you keep pushing yourself you’ll be constantly getting new experiences that will set you up to know things about the next one that you’re gonna do and as you begin to learn oh that’s what they do when I do this oh that’s that’s odd but I guess that’s what happens and then you start learning things about how women actually respond rather than dealing with the weird fantasy that was shoved into your brain by a society or religion or whatever is you were coming up so and then as you get skills in the real world of that stuff then you will get all of your results that you were looking for hope I explained that in some level of clarity Thanks and that’s that that’s the night game system in a nutshell if you weren’t taking notes check out The Attractive Man’s Conversation Cheat Sheet – a whole bunch of the stuff that’s in the video is expanded out in the cheat sheet it gives you a whole bunch of resources so you can hold conversations have fun at night you know a little banter lines ways to flirt it’s all in there if you haven’t got a yet click there put in your email address and get the cheat sheet because it’s a whole lot of awesome value I’m Duke DeLaet for The Attractive Man,

and I’ll see you next week!