Fünf Abende oder Abenteuer eines Zahnarztes

Five Evenings or Adventures of a Dentist − Once again no earnings − I had a cramp in my leg and almost fell − Against fate one is powerless You will have to die again − Doctor Klein dental practice. How can we help you? − Good morning, chief! − Good morning − What´s the matter with him? Did he have a quarrel with his wife? − He is not married. I reckon his old motorcycle is not working − At the moment I don´t want to talk to anyone − OK, understood − Doctor Klein dental practice. How can we help you? − Yes, hello May I please speak to Dr. Klein? I am his wife − I´m sorry, but he is not here − Good morning, chief − Hello I desperately need your medical help − I hope you have good insurance Treatment is very expensive here − I couldn´t sleep the whole night − OK, this is going to hurt a bit − Should I tell you a joke? Two dentists meet at the cemetery What does one say to the other? “So, do you keep an inventory here too?” − Insurance only covers part of the cost I marked the points here And here you have to sign − Sorry, chief. Nothing personal − Hi, Nina! Today is our Wednesday. When shall we meet? − We will not meet today Did you forget that? I am leaving today − Yes, I forgot that − Fillip, what´s wrong with your voice? − I have a toothache − That´s ridiculous I am traveling for 3 months, the train leaves in 40 minutes − Ok, then. See you Wednesday in 3 months What date is that?

− We’ve already talked about that If you have serious problems, go to a prostitute I have nothing against that I´m not like that − Sorry, I don´t understand What do you mean? − Calm down − Сome in Women don´t need that I will come back in 3 months Everything is OK − Sit down please! − What? − No, that was not for you − By the way, I put your necklace on − Go to the cemetery and calm down I promise, I won´t be jealous − And it says here, that 5 teeth need to be pulled And what if they fall out by themselves? − By themselves? How? − For example, if they fall out during a fight? − I can help with that You´re right, that could be much cheaper for you − What´s with you? Do you have a toothache too? − What makes you say that? − You´re nervous, it´s obvious I am the psychotherapist You can come to me for some help − Have a seat in the waiting room, up there to the left − That´s our secret, only yours and mine − Hi, Nina!

− Have you been at the cemetery yet? − That stimulates you, doesn’t that? − Good day − Good day. As always? − Yes, as always − Then that´s 2,50 please Writing: Madlena Strauss 1972-1981 − That´s our secret − Hi, Nina. Did you arrive well??

− I have a headache Seriously, get yourself a woman We are at the age we can´t break the rules − Yes, say that you hugging me − Hello, chief. Is the tooth still hurting? − Yes, it is hurting − Is that your wife on the phone? − Yes, probably she is my wife We’ve been meeting for 3 years now, Once a week. Wednesdays Tell me, what are you doing here? Are you spying on your husband? − My husband is at home watching pornos And I study medicine The tuition is really expensive − Does your husband know about it? − About the university? Of course, he does − Hello, handsome − Chief, I can make it cheaper for you − Nice evening! − Don´t worry, I won´t tell anyone − Shall we do it in the car? Or shall we go to the room? What do you want? − Bye! − Wow, what a nice bike! Nice side car, I haven´t seen something like that for a long time! You want the full program? You have any special wishes? Just tell me Do what you like with me. But you have to pay extra for the exotic stuff − Stay calm, don´t worry − Is that an antique side car? − It´s from England. I inherited it from my grandfather − My grandmother was English too! A funny old lady, and an alcoholic She could down a bottle of rum in one go At age 75 she married a boxer And a year later we buried her − Did the boxer beat her to death? − She was not killed She fell down the stairs drunk, and broke her head Drive faster! The breeze is so great! And now here is a turn! Great! − Nice bike! − What a side car! Where are we going to? − To a nice place! − My ass hurts because of this side car! Ah, you live here, nice area! Now I know why you can afford such motorcycles − Have you been to the cemetery lately? − I never go there. I´m afraid When Margot was buried, I didn´t go there either Even though we were friends But if the client pays, I have to go That is my job. A dangerous job And do you smoke?

Do you have something against that? May I? − You better not − Oh, come on. I love smoking These cigarettes! I haven´t smoked for about 100 years − Where are you from? − Me? From here. I was born around here Don´t you want to offer a drink for the lady? − My uncle lived around here − You are talking a lot − OK, OK, I will be quiet − What do you want? Cognac or wine? − What does that mean over there? A bird. You have a bird I always wanted a bird Does it sing? I am drinking a cognac I was raised well I am just as miserable as this bird Margot and I could drink kegs of this cognac − Where is that ring from? − Margot was killed Her friend pushed her out of the window. Some Arab guy he was probably pumped up on drugs Then I saw here lying in the casket, her hands folded And the day before, Margot said she wanted to marry the Chinese guy OK, I´ve had enough Are we going to bed? Or should we do it here, if you are not embarrassed in front of the bird Nice bathroom! What are you reading? − Philipp − Philipp! − Nina! − Nina! − Philipp! − Nina! − Five hundred!

− I have another idea − Are you perverted? − Come, I will explain We will go over there to the pub. You will understand − Ok, what is it now? − I have an interesting suggestion You will not be working on the strip in the next two months, and we will pay you the lost revenue − You will pay me for not working? Should I spy for you? − No We only wanted what I said You will no longer work, And we will pay you as much as you become from five clients per session You will get the money in two months If you want, We can transfer the money directly to the university − And what if I say no? − Then you´ve got a problem − Really? No way! You only sleep with her once a week Wednesdays! Stand back!! And? − Hi, Clara, good morning, it´s me How was the night? I´m coming a bit later What have you got planned? Oh yes, please refer Ms. Meier to Günter Yes, OK, see you later − What will you do, wenn I die? − I will never forget you! − Excuse me?

Do you know the cemetery well? − Yes I know this part very well Good morning − Can you tell me something about this grave? − You see, it´s a very old grave I am sorry, I can´t say anything to that I don´t know, I always had a good memory, but I don´t remember Sorry In this part of the cemetery a few whores are buried One week gone − Hello! Where is your ring? What happened to it? − I don´t understand, please speak more slowly − Your ring. You had a ring the last time − Please speak more slowly I don´t understand − Come with me! − You have to pay in advance − I hope, the rate has not changed? − You have to pay in advance − The girl said very clearly, first the money She is inexperienced, It´s not easy − How much? − Depends, what you want from her − I will take her for the whole night − Five hundred − Without limitations − Without limitations? − Don´t worry. I won´t knock her teeth out − What´s the matter with you, are you gonna stay standing in the door? Come one, sit down What do you want to drink? − You have a nice house − And please don´t smoke here anymore! To hell! Smoke! − I don´t understand – do you want, if I smoke? I don´t understand. I want to work You pay, I work − What´s with you? Did you fall on your head? Did you smoke too much weed? Where is your ring? Where did you hide it?

I am tired − Do you want me to be naked? You paid, so we make love − Do you really not remember me? − Do you want me to be naked? − Where are you from? − I will only be here a week I don´t understand you − Where did you come from? Do you have a husband? Do you have children? − Yes. Three children But I am not married My husband died You paid, so we make love Do you understand? Did I express myself clearly? You paid a lot of money Tell me what I should do I will do that − So, what are the actors doing? − They are my family − Hi! − Do you drink beer? − Yes − I know all of their thoughts They want to eat! − Just sell your python − For sale? No sense! − Oh, my darling! Meat costs up to $10 per KG − What does the python think about the poodle? − God knows, what it thinks They are all just food for it − Good morning! − Good morning! How are your studies going? Are you really tired after the evening lecture? − No, everything is OK. Thank you for asking − You probably studied anatomy the entire night? − Good morning, chief! − Good morning! − The boss only needs me, when his tooth is aching?! − Unfortunately, it is not aching anymore − What?? − There is nothing better than toothaches, It makes you forget everything else − I don´t think everything is alright with you I think you need to relax − Good day!

− I am glad to see you I am glad, that you want psychiatric attention Let us begin immediately Please lie down on the sofa It is maybe even more comfortable than your dentist chair I’m not going to make any jaw moulds − On my chair people are relieved of their pain − An interesting question, which pain is worse, the psychological or physical? Please lie down here. And here is the place for your helmet Comfortable place − I have a problem … With the women I don´t know, what I should think about it Every Wednesday I meet with my girlfriend But now she is away for some weeks, and I had to go to a prostitute Last week I was at the same prostitute, and they were totally different women − How did you notice that they were different? One of them smoked like a chimney, And the other didn´t speak a word of German − Calm down. Probably they were different women − No, it was just one I screwed her − Do you ever have more serious feelings?? Strong, deep ones? − Yes, towards a girl She was eight No, no, nothing bad – I was 10 She died Nothing special. She was run over by a car We were just kids − Now we understand, why you haven´t a car − I don´t even know if it´s possible to develop such feelings before puberty − Close your eyes and imagine, that she were an adult How old would she be now? Let us assume 40 Would you want to meet her? With such a tramp, who limps on her left leg and has a runny nose and the ugly make-up on her face − Do I have to answer that? − OK, if the infected tooth is contagious, do you pull it? − It is not the tooth that gets infected, but the gums − Ok, let´s forget about unpleasant things. Let’s simply wipe them away Imagine that she were an adult Would you like to see her again? − Yes − Do you care what she looks and smells like? − I don´t think about that − You said, that you meet your girlfriend once a week? − Yes, Wednesdays − Do you give her money? − Of course, no. But every third Wednesday I bring her a small present Like a ring or a pearls That is how it turned out That is our ritual − Does she know about this early love? − Yes, I told her about it − And now you feel sorry about it? − Yes, I should have kept it to myself − Is she envious of the little one who passed away? − Yes − No, he wasn´t annoyed

as usual He was in a good mood How do I know that? He was joking! − And now I will give you a piece of advice, Take another prostitute the next wednesday − Hello! − Hi Handsome! − Don´t you recognize me? − Of course I recognize you You are so nice! Darling! − Come with me! − Did you burn yourself? − That is not a burn, but a small cosmetic intervention I got rid of a tattoo − What sort of tattoo was it? − An unpleasant one. I didn´t get it completely voluntarily − What happened? Were you forced to? − Listen, let´s not talk about it You are a nice boy, but leave my soul at peace − What happened back then? − Sorry May I take a bath? − Hello?!

− Luckily she is still breathing − Yes, hello, good evening. I have an emergency here, a kind of bath accident A suicide is the last thing I need now − What is your problem? − Let me go! − Did the girl bite you? − The girl is in a hospital. Let me go! − What happened? Did you hit her? − She tried to drown herself in my bath! Please let me go! − In your bath? Wouldn´t it have been easier to take a hotel room? Or your car? О, sorry, you don´t have a car! − And now you probably want some compensation? Let him go! − You are surrounded by crazy people, yes − Sorry, but I am not an insurance company I am not paying the money back But I can can give you something − Such an idiocy! − OK, explain it to me Why do you keep the crazies? It is very expensive! Be careful, I once knew a doctor, with whom everything was OK until he met a lady, until he pulled seven healthy teeth from a lady He thought … that the voice would improve as a result Do you know how much money he needed to pay later on? − You don´t understand anything She is not crazy But nobody knows − They stood here. The poor, the hungry Many of them were killed Jack the Ripper never existed, He was the one, on whom all the gruesome things were projected

Back then one hooker per week was killed One thought it was normal And when in London five women were killed in three days, there began this legend They stood here and the sailors preferred to hit the woman in the face instead of paying her for love Do you know, even the feminists, can´t exactly say how often they were victims of violence And it was only girls! Today it is business, a profitable business, Earlier, it was about survival The most vulnerable beings are prostitutes and children − Why children? − It is very easy to annoy a child, it is very easy to kill a child They were the lost part of society They died without penance and now they are lurking invisibly among us − Ghosts of prostitutes? − You thought, you were always seeing the same woman, But it´s not like that! − What? − We have the possibility to reanimate the kids in specially prepared female bodies But only for a short time. Maybe five to seven hours − An incarnation? And how can that be done? − Nowadays everything is possible You are a dentist! Scientists have developed a method by which one can re-breed teeth No drilling anymore Pull the old teeth, take a few tablets and already you have got the new teeth But what will the millions of dentists do then? − Exactly! − And that is exactly what will happen with the incarnations But the corpses need to be prepared properly − Is that really so easy? − Not really, but we know how it goes − We have the option of letting the dead live for a day − Really? But the preparation of the bodies, is very expensive That limits our possibilities And therefore we need sponsors, but we cannot advertise publicly for it… − But you trust me on all of this? − We live from donations And anyway, who would believe you? − You are drunk and drunks and kids tell the truth That is why I believe you But why do you use prostitutes for that? − That way I can control them better, and the wage What are you looking for? − My ring! I think we need to go back to the pub, I think I lost it there − If you trip now, you will lose your head, and I will need to find for you a new one − Forget your ring, I know a great night bar One week gone − How are you? − Good! − Are you not doing anything stupid anymore? Or you do not even exist anymore?

− Come with me! I have been waiting for you so long − You better not go into the kitchen and you are not drinking any alcohol anymore, But probably you are somebody else… − Can I at least to go to a bathroom? Did I behave so badly the last time? − Come here! − Do you want to sleep with me? I don´t have anything against that, it would be interesting − Would it be the first time? Haven´t you ever tried it? − One could say − It will be our secret, you know Just don´t tell anybody… − Again these lies… I have had enough! Enough! She was nine years old! She was a child! What do you want from me?! What is it like to be dead? − You mean what it is like to be beneath the ground? What do you think? Do you think we are in heaven? And around us there are only ghosts? − Maybe − It is impossible to explain It is the same, as telling someone who is blind from birth about colors The rainbow after the rain Of course you can describe that But what kinde of a picture develops in his mind? − Probably a different one for each person − Do you have a girlfriend? − Yes − Does she know about me? − I told her about you − Are you happy with her? − We see one another every Wednesday − Is she jealous? I have to go. See you tomorrow!

Come to the same place Stop, stop! Give me money please. I have to give him everything I earn − I think in two weeks we can move − Have you found the money? − The money will definitely come − Ok, so will it be like the last time in Dresden? − Last time we were playing over little things, I don´t have much luck with little things… − Are you leaving? − Yes, I am going − Leave me! − Why, everything was OK? − I don´t want to! − Who asked you?! − Let me go! No! − Boss, it is your wife again. Should I put her through? − Philipp, can you hear me? − Nina? Nina, I am waiting for you Shall we meet, it is Wednesday? − I hate you! I hate − Hello?

− Hello, handsome! Shall we play? − Philipp, it´s me I am sorry It was not nice of me − I have a surprise for you. What I can do, not many can do … − No problem, already forgotten − I am going to my mother´s, and will be back in a week − And for a little extra you will get a little firework! − Do you have a license? − Shall I show you my license? − Are you alone? − No, but I am paying just now − Where is she? Where did you put her? − We let her go − I asked, where she is? − She is in the underworld, or if you like, in the world of mirrors She is here, next to us She is everywhere, she can hear us I can tell her something − Are you joking? − What about? We only have one body, and the queue goes until the 40th year − A single body? − And anyway, you should be happy it turned out this way. That you met your acquaintance. That is fate Ok, maybe another two or three that do that But we have so many who are interested, but only one body You can only get the sea into a glass if you apply the correct dosage − What does it cost to buy a body? − Do you think one can buy love with money? − Yes, I do − For nine weeks For that you need to know that afterwards the body must be taken from the list, And there are many who suffer along the way − And if I wanted to buy it forever? − You don´t have that much money! And anyway you will not even see her! She will come back to life, But maybe she can write to you at some point… − Maybe I have that much money What guarantee do I have? − No guarantee − Why? − Those are the rules We cannot determine the natural laws If you break the rules, it can have unpleasant consequences − What consequences are you talking about? − For example, a volcanic eruption, A tsunami… The third world war Who knows, what will happen? − OK, I will get the money − Here, I saw him on the banks of the Rhein, look − What will you do, wenn I die? − What will you do, wenn I die?

Deutsche Bank You will not even see her… She will come back to life − Doctor Klein dental practice. How can we help you? We will make an appointment − Wait! I want to speak with you − Any problems? − I think you have got the problems I accidentally noticed, how you financed your studies − And what do you want? − Maybe to get to know you a bit closer My wife is gone for three days And I could save up enough money and meet with a colleague unofficially, so to speak − Good! − Why so fast? We can meet tonight in a relaxed atmosphere − Why? First of all, you have no wife! and second, I have an alternative − Interesting? − I know, you want to run this practice by yourself! I can help you with that For, let´s say, 15 percent But no intimacy Inside information: the practice is being sold today I can introduce you to the agent “Gold sale and purchase” “She will come back to life…” “Real estate partner” − I hope that is all?? − That is all Ok, so you just bought an empty shell and you won´t see this woman anymore − Really, nevermore?? − Ok, I will give you another 15 minutes with her − Is that you? − Oh, how warm is your hand − Let us go home − That is unpossible I have to stay for fifteen minutes, then I must go Those are the rules − They are not important anymore, I don´t have any money left anyway − Ladies and gentlemen,

We are doing well! We have money! − There she is! − But I feel a bit sorry for him − You feel sorry for him?! We played 3 months just for him, the only spectator! Just imagine we had always had a full house… − Now I will write letters to him my whole life? − That is love But what will happen to him? He will take out another loan and open a new practice He experienced so much These memories will be with him for the whole his life And he doesn´t need to buy flowers anymore − What flowers? − He doesn´t have to go to the cemetery anymore Admittedly, the romantic adventure cost him a ton of money But if you want a good show you need to pay a lot of money − He must recognize you again You need some sort of accent − How? − Leave it to your imagination! You need to walk nicely − Hello! − Hello! − How are you? − Not bad − But, what are you doing here? Why are you picking me up? That is new − Today is Wednesday and I was just thinking